The past week...
Rolands
I attended the visitation and funeral/memorial service for Mr. Roland (Audrey's dad). Both were nice (can you say that about those...they aren't really nice things to go to....I guess maybe well done or something like that is more appropriate) but heart-breaking. Just please keep praying for Audrey and her mom and brother.
Radiating
At the funeral, the pastor talked about Mr. Roland's radiating faith. It radiated through all that he did, in the good times and the bad. I want faith like that. In the good times and the bad. One thing I thought about as the pastor was talking was the irony of the radiating faith of a cancer patient like Mr. Roland. Many cancer patients go through some type of radiation treatment (I don't know if Mr. Roland did - all I know is several treatments were tried on him). It makes them ill and has other unpleasant side effects. But for Mr. Roland, the more of this "radiation treatment" (using that as a general term for any cancer treatment in this case) went in, it caused his faith to increase and radiate even more to those around him. Just an interesting juxtaposition to me...
Regurgitation
Yeah, that's gross. It came on very quickly, I threw up for 2 hours and couldn't move but then it stopped and life returned to normal (sort of...I was still a little queasy). Very weird. Glad it's done. I haven't thrown up since my 2 horrible stomach viruses when I worked at the elementary school last year.
Retreat
HFBC's Singles Ministry (Summit) had a retreat this weekend at Trinity Pines near Livingston, TX. AMAZING. I did everything there but sleep (I can't sleep through many noises, so I don't expect to on weekends like this). We left Houston at about 8:45 on Saturday morning. When we got there we listened to a speaker, had some worship and then ate lunch (if you can call it that...) and then played all afternoon. There were several options for activities and I chose to play softball all afternoon. How glorious! Not only was it a beautiful day, but I just love playing softball so it was perfect! I am fairly sore now because I haven't used my softball muscles in a while but it was so worth it! After that, we ate "dinner" and had another session of good preaching and good worship. We then worked on our skits for Oscar Night. My class is a hoot! We wait til the last minute on a lot of things and this skit was no different. Other classes had been preparing for a while but we waited. Too much fun! And we pulled it off pretty well too! The audience laughed a lot. Although we didn't win any awards, I think we did pretty well. I wish I had a video of our performance to show you. Anyways, after that we had a great late night dance party with some not so great music (it was like popular songs made into Christian ones...Mambo #5, Eminem, etc...some of that stuff just shouldn't and doesn't translate well into Christian ones). We then went to bed very late. The next morning, I woke up early (I told you, I don't sleep at these things!) and had a very deep and eye-opening quiet time (more on that later in the post) out on a rocking chair in the beautiful morning sunshine. We then had a little breakfast, another great session and worship and then split up into our classes and had wonderful discussion and prayer time. I really love the people in my class. I have never been involved in such an authentic community of believers and am so blessed and excited to get to know them more and to be more involved in the class. After that, the last session occurred and ended with an altar time (again, more on that later in the post). We then ate burgers made by the Summit leadership for lunch (good burgers although I am not a huge fan of burgers...weird, I know) and ate out in the beautiful sunshine. Then we packed up. Of course, our class can never get moving very fast anywhere so we were the last to leave and ended up helping leadership pack up everything. We did not get back to Houston until 6:30! We were supposed to have been back by like 3:30 or 4. Haha...oh well. I just came home, showered, ate dinner, finished some nagging homework and crashed for 11 hours. What a weekend...so AMAZING! I was hesitant about going but am so very glad that I did.
Renewal/Refreshment/Reminders/Reignition
My heart and spirit were very renewed this past weekend. I've really been struggling with feelings of dryness and apathy. I needed to hear what I did this weekend. It was about roots in our lives (check out Jeremiah 17:7-8). It was as if the Lord created this whole weekend and used the speakers just to speak to my heart (I know that's not the case...but it sure did feel like that!). It was like a flame was reigniting in my heart that had just been kinda smoldering for a while.
Refinement
Okay, now the tough topic. The Lord surfaced several things in my life that I need to be working on. Specifically, the idols I have placed on my heart that I have tried to replace Him with. I just hate that I am allowing these ugly and awful things to control me and replace a God that is so beautiful, loving, perfect and merciful. Why am I trading something so wonderful and beautiful for some things so hideous and ugly??? I have spent much of the last two days in tears over the status of my heart. It started with the quiet time I had. One of the speakers had posed the question about idols to us so I was thinking about it during my quiet time and God just revealed to me these things that I have been grasping for rather than grasping for Him. Such a painful thing but I am so thankful that they are being revealed to me and I am being refined by His fire. During the aforementioned altar time, I just got on my knees and was just so crushed by what I have been allowing in my heart and the sin in my life. Approaching the altar during these altar times is something I rarely do but I knew that's where I needed to be at this time. I know the road ahead is long. It is like as soon as I brought those things before the Lord, Satan immediately stepped in and is attacking me from all sides on these idols. Satan doesn't want me to give them up. He wants me to remain distant from the God that I love and so desire intimacy with. I can physically feel this battle going on inside me. It's so weird. I can't even describe it. I want to be so free of these things that have been holding me back from the life abundant that has been freely given to me. Just pray as this process of intense refinement of my heart occurs. It is going to be rough. It already is. Thanks...
Anyways, I know it was a long post, but when I tried to omit any of the above topics, I just couldn't. Hope you are doing well. God bless!
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