Brought To You By The Letter 'R'

The past week...

Rolands
I attended the visitation and funeral/memorial service for Mr. Roland (Audrey's dad). Both were nice (can you say that about those...they aren't really nice things to go to....I guess maybe well done or something like that is more appropriate) but heart-breaking. Just please keep praying for Audrey and her mom and brother.

Radiating
At the funeral, the pastor talked about Mr. Roland's radiating faith. It radiated through all that he did, in the good times and the bad. I want faith like that. In the good times and the bad. One thing I thought about as the pastor was talking was the irony of the radiating faith of a cancer patient like Mr. Roland. Many cancer patients go through some type of radiation treatment (I don't know if Mr. Roland did - all I know is several treatments were tried on him). It makes them ill and has other unpleasant side effects. But for Mr. Roland, the more of this "radiation treatment" (using that as a general term for any cancer treatment in this case) went in, it caused his faith to increase and radiate even more to those around him. Just an interesting juxtaposition to me...

Regurgitation
Yeah, that's gross. It came on very quickly, I threw up for 2 hours and couldn't move but then it stopped and life returned to normal (sort of...I was still a little queasy). Very weird. Glad it's done. I haven't thrown up since my 2 horrible stomach viruses when I worked at the elementary school last year.

Retreat
HFBC's Singles Ministry (Summit) had a retreat this weekend at Trinity Pines near Livingston, TX. AMAZING. I did everything there but sleep (I can't sleep through many noises, so I don't expect to on weekends like this). We left Houston at about 8:45 on Saturday morning. When we got there we listened to a speaker, had some worship and then ate lunch (if you can call it that...) and then played all afternoon. There were several options for activities and I chose to play softball all afternoon. How glorious! Not only was it a beautiful day, but I just love playing softball so it was perfect! I am fairly sore now because I haven't used my softball muscles in a while but it was so worth it! After that, we ate "dinner" and had another session of good preaching and good worship. We then worked on our skits for Oscar Night. My class is a hoot! We wait til the last minute on a lot of things and this skit was no different. Other classes had been preparing for a while but we waited. Too much fun! And we pulled it off pretty well too! The audience laughed a lot. Although we didn't win any awards, I think we did pretty well. I wish I had a video of our performance to show you. Anyways, after that we had a great late night dance party with some not so great music (it was like popular songs made into Christian ones...Mambo #5, Eminem, etc...some of that stuff just shouldn't and doesn't translate well into Christian ones). We then went to bed very late. The next morning, I woke up early (I told you, I don't sleep at these things!) and had a very deep and eye-opening quiet time (more on that later in the post) out on a rocking chair in the beautiful morning sunshine. We then had a little breakfast, another great session and worship and then split up into our classes and had wonderful discussion and prayer time. I really love the people in my class. I have never been involved in such an authentic community of believers and am so blessed and excited to get to know them more and to be more involved in the class. After that, the last session occurred and ended with an altar time (again, more on that later in the post). We then ate burgers made by the Summit leadership for lunch (good burgers although I am not a huge fan of burgers...weird, I know) and ate out in the beautiful sunshine. Then we packed up. Of course, our class can never get moving very fast anywhere so we were the last to leave and ended up helping leadership pack up everything. We did not get back to Houston until 6:30! We were supposed to have been back by like 3:30 or 4. Haha...oh well. I just came home, showered, ate dinner, finished some nagging homework and crashed for 11 hours. What a weekend...so AMAZING! I was hesitant about going but am so very glad that I did.

Renewal/Refreshment/Reminders/Reignition
My heart and spirit were very renewed this past weekend. I've really been struggling with feelings of dryness and apathy. I needed to hear what I did this weekend. It was about roots in our lives (check out Jeremiah 17:7-8). It was as if the Lord created this whole weekend and used the speakers just to speak to my heart (I know that's not the case...but it sure did feel like that!). It was like a flame was reigniting in my heart that had just been kinda smoldering for a while.

Refinement
Okay, now the tough topic. The Lord surfaced several things in my life that I need to be working on. Specifically, the idols I have placed on my heart that I have tried to replace Him with. I just hate that I am allowing these ugly and awful things to control me and replace a God that is so beautiful, loving, perfect and merciful. Why am I trading something so wonderful and beautiful for some things so hideous and ugly??? I have spent much of the last two days in tears over the status of my heart. It started with the quiet time I had. One of the speakers had posed the question about idols to us so I was thinking about it during my quiet time and God just revealed to me these things that I have been grasping for rather than grasping for Him. Such a painful thing but I am so thankful that they are being revealed to me and I am being refined by His fire. During the aforementioned altar time, I just got on my knees and was just so crushed by what I have been allowing in my heart and the sin in my life. Approaching the altar during these altar times is something I rarely do but I knew that's where I needed to be at this time. I know the road ahead is long. It is like as soon as I brought those things before the Lord, Satan immediately stepped in and is attacking me from all sides on these idols. Satan doesn't want me to give them up. He wants me to remain distant from the God that I love and so desire intimacy with. I can physically feel this battle going on inside me. It's so weird. I can't even describe it. I want to be so free of these things that have been holding me back from the life abundant that has been freely given to me. Just pray as this process of intense refinement of my heart occurs. It is going to be rough. It already is. Thanks...

Anyways, I know it was a long post, but when I tried to omit any of the above topics, I just couldn't. Hope you are doing well. God bless!

Interesting Article

I came across this article about a girl with autism. There are lots out there but I found this one particularly interesting. She's an unusual case but very interesting anyways.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4311223&page=1

If you are interested in autism, this is definitely worth your time to read!

Excitement and Boredom/Depression

Exciting things lately:
I PASSED my teacher certification exam!! Major step out of the way...
My hair cut turned out well today
I got 3 inexpensive cute shirts at Target the other day :0)
I get to go to Boston in 1 month!
HFBC singles ministry retreat this weekend :0)
Intramural softball for my church starts soon

Boredom/Depression lately:
Unemployment sucks :0(
No structure to my life b/c I have no job and only some stuff for my classes to do
Lots of rain and mud
Attending Audrey's dad's visitation and funeral tomorrow and Friday - my heart hurts so much for her
Unemployment sucks... its boring and depressing so it needed to be said twice...

Audrey

So, remember how I've been asking you to pray for Audrey and her family?

Her dad's battle with cancer ended last night and he passed away.

I mean I really don't have much to say about it. I love her and her family so much and my heart just breaks for them and hates that they have to suffer through this.

So pray for them in this tough week ahead as they go through funeral services and things like that and for them in the days, weeks and months ahead as they deal with this devastating loss.

Thats all. Just pray.

Singles Awareness Day (SAD)

Haha... no, I'm not sad because I'm single but I do think whoever came up with the acronym in my title was fairly clever. It gives me a good chuckle every year. In my mind, Valentine's Day is just another good excuse to wear lots of pink and eat some chocolate (although oddly enough, I am wearing a purple shirt today and ate very little chocolate... go figure). However, I certainly wouldn't mind if a cute boy wanted to spend this day with me! Haha..

One thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is generational sin and its role in my life. Its a tough thing to look at and something that is very scary to me. I can see myself falling into patterns that my mother, her mother and my mother's mother's mother have laid out. I want to break the chain. I don't want to be like that. I love them all very very much but to be honest, some of the sins they are or have been entangled in are nothing I want to be part of. However, they are very difficult to escape. I want to flee from them. I want to break that chain. I want to set a new precedent for my daughter(s) if I have any. One sin that has bound all of us (myself included) is food and our attitudes towards it. We all struggle with our weight just genetically speaking but add food issues along with that and its a pretty scary ball game. My grandmother smokes so she won't eat so much and gain weight. My mom has issues with food too. I'm starting to realize I might have some as well. No, I'm not obese but I'm certainly not at a healthy weight for my height and age. Another issue we all struggle with is the desire for control over others in our lives. It can get pretty bad. I have several stories about my family and this issue. No bueno. I want to be free of these sins. I don't want to be the next generation that falls captive to those holds. So yeah... pretty scary stuff.

If I could just ask for prayer for myself (I feel awkward asking this, but feel like I need to). I am really struggling with a lot of self-image and self-concept issues and consequently, some depression issues as well. Really having a hard time there. I know in my head that I am His beloved and His child, but my heart is beating to a different tune and I can't seem to get it back on track. I hate how I view myself which further perpetuates the problem of trying to be okay with myself. Anyways, its a vicious cycle that I desparately want out of but am finding little relief from.

In other prayer requests, please please please pray for my friend Audrey and her family. I spoke with her for a few minutes this evening and have been following her emails and journal. The doctor has basically given her dad just a few days to live. She is doing as well as possible given the circumstances. Please just keep praying. I hate to see such a sweet precious friend going through such a nightmare as this.

In good news, my teacher certification exam went well and my unofficial score report that I got indicates that I passed and scored fairly well. This means I can now be hired as a teacher because I am considered "highly qualified". Haha...but yeah. So glad it's out of the way. Thank you to those of you who prayed for me and wished me well. It worked!

Hope your Valentine's Day was good, couple or not. God bless!

"Oh What A Night!"

Last night, I got to go see Jersey Boys at the Hobby Center here in Houston. What a treat that was! If you don't know anything about this Broadway musical, its based on the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. They wrote songs hits like "Oh What A Night", "Big Girls Don't Cry", "Walk Like a Man" and many, many more, all of which were featured in this musical. It was fantastic! At first I didn't want to spend the money on a ticket, but I'm glad I did. It was funny though because the people I was with and I were probably some of the youngest people there. Most of the audience was people our parent's age and on up. Guess that music isn't really my generation, but it still is wonderful! Anyways, if you get the chance to see it, I highly recommend it (be forewarned though, there is some language and some rather risque content). And if you ever need a buddy to see a musical with, I am your gal!

Hope you are doing well! God bless!

You Break, HE Buys!

Last Sunday in church, Pastor Gregg, who is doing a great series on milestones in our lives, talked about salvation. Because I like to think in images and allusions, his preaching resonates well with me. He was talking about going into a store with little kids and there are always those signs that say "You Break, You Buy". But the marvelous thing about salvation is that we can change that sign to "You Break, HE Buys!". Such simple words yet such a beautiful concept. He knows we are broken. He knows we are going to break. Yet, still, we were bought at a ransom by Him and through Him. Sometimes I struggle with feeling the joy of my salvation (Psalms 51:12) but that phrase has been running through my head all week because the picture it paints in my head and on my heart. Just wanted to share...

In less happy news, I want to ask you to pray for my sweet, long-time friend, Audrey. Her father has cancer and after a doctors appointment on Wednesday has been given weeks, maybe a month or two more. Oh how my heart breaks. I know you may not know her, but please just pray. Her family and my family have been friends for a while, so its a difficult thing to watch. Its also sobering to watch this happen to someone my age because it could be me and I can't even imagine losing my father (or anyone in my family). In her words, "This sucks. It just sucks." So yeah. Please pray.

Hope you are doing well. I will post some love quotes from my planner on here soon. There's some good ones that are worth posting.

God bless!

Metacognition

"...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
~2 Corinthians 10:5b~

I've been thinking a lot about my thoughts lately, or in other words, spending a lot of time doing some metacognition. I feel like my thoughts have been running away with me. I need to be focusing on things that are holy and pleasing to Him and avoid thinking about things that are not. But the more I try to refocus myself, the harder and harder it seems to get. Oy! Does anyone have any ideas for how to get out of this quagmire? I can't just stop thinking - thats silly! But how do I keep my self focused on things that I should be thinking about and flee from things I should not? Anyways...

In some sad news, I have been following through blogs a couple of families that have have given birth to or are about to give birth to babies afflicted with T18 syndrome. Its basically a syndrome that is mostly incompatible with life and there are like 2 people alive today that have survived it. Its pretty serious and most babies die before they are born or shortly after birth. However, one family, the Hostetters (its linked - click on their name), had little Tristan and he survived an amazing 56 days and seemed to be doing very well and hanging in there. So much so, that they were preparing for his medical care in the future (therapy, surgery, etc.). However, yesterday, he suddenly went down hill very fast and died. How sad for this sweet family. If you think about it, even though you don't know them (heck, I don't know them!), keep them in your prayers. They are a sweet Christian family that has been through a lot.

I was reading a friend's blog today and came across this very intersting article (its linked - just click on "very interesting article") about an Iranian man who made a movie about how Muslims view Jesus and his life. I previously thought that they thought he was just a good man in history. But apparently I was wrong. You'd think I would know this stuff having lived in a primarily Muslim nation for as long as I did! Anyways, just read it. I think you will find it interesting.

Hope you are doing well! God bless!

Don't Swallow Your Gum

So for years, we have discussed the health problems with swallowing your gum and what could happen if you did (not digesting it for several years and the like). Well my brother sent me a good picture the other day of one very good reason not to swallow your gum. Haha..

How Can This Happen? But It Does...

I asked myself that the other day after coming home from subbing. I was subbing in a Life Skills classroom yesterday and there was a student in there who's story really touched me and got me thinking. This student was in a wheelchair, probably functioning on a 2 month old level at 8-9 years old. I mean, the highest level thing she could do was press a button on a toy for music to come on. Not much else. She kinda yelled/screamed constantly and put anything and everything in her mouth. Not an atypical student for a Life Skills classroom. Her abilities (or lack thereof) weren't what phased me.

It was a conversation with the aide in there that I had later. The aide mentioned briefly that this child had brain damage. Okay. I asked if it was through a car accident or an illness or what. The aide's voice got real low and she began to share this child's story.

This child was normal when she was younger. Walking, talking, etc. But someone (not sure who - the aide just said "a lady") beat this child. To this point. Within an inch of her life. And she was in a coma for a year. And this is the end result.

Oh how my heart breaks. And I wonder how one human being can possibly do this to another human being. A child. But it does happen....and I've heard similar stories before.

I know this is the exception rather than the rule, but I also know that it happens far more often than we know and/or prefer to admit. I might have students with her story in my classroom in the coming years.

I hate that. But its true life. Its so far beyond me and the life I know and so difficult to wrap my mind around. But its there.

Sobering....

Fullness of His Grace

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another." ~John 1:16~

A Truth I often let fly out the window.

Because I am not exactly working full time, just doing teacher certification stuff and don't have a very full social calendar, I am left with some much needed time to think about things. I think when I originally entered into my current situation, I did not think it was a blessing and more of a curse really. But God has shown me quite the opposite, a lesson I think I really needed to learn.

I also struggle with coveting the blessings of others (horizontal thinking gets us nowhere) and wishing my life were way different and frustrated over the fact that it isn't.

But lately, as I'm learning to focus more vertically, I am beginning to love my life and the things God is doing in it. And I'm seeing the fullness of his grace more and more in my own life. And it is true - I feel as if I am receiving one blessing after another, even if I don't realize its a blessing when I receive it.

Anyways, I just love this passage and how it really puts life in perspective and reminds what He has done for us and His unending and amazing love for us.

Funny Ella story: So, the only toy Ella really likes to play with is these tiny tennis balls made for dogs under 25 lbs (which she clearly is not!). She holds them in her mouth, tosses them in the air, chases them and basically entertains herself with them. Well, one day after work (spending the week with emotionally disturbed children made for an interesting week at work), I was snacking on some baby carrots and dip. Now I know Ella doesn't like carrots, but she wouldn't leave me alone during my snack, so I tossed one on the floor for her planning on picking it up after I was finished eating. Ella looks at the carrot, nibbles it a bit and then she starts tossing it in the air, chasing it around the room and bouncing it off the floor just like she does with those tiny tennis balls! It was hilarious! Who knew baby carrots made such great dog toys?!?! Haha... And FYI, baby carrots actually bounce really well off the floor, even carpets. Anyways, I thought it was cute. My dad took a video, but I seem to be uncapable of loading videos on here.

Hope y'all are doing well! God bless!

Oh, and I got asked again if I was pregnant this week at work. Kids... I know I need to shed a few pounds, but I know its not that bad! Just because every other teacher is pregnant at school does not mean that all of us are! Geez louise! I can't handle much more of this kids asking me if I'm having a baby. Its a little damaging to my self esteem!

New

Lately, I've felt my heart being prodded to try some new, kinda daunting, things in my life.

One thing I am trying new is running. I've tried it before and been miserable. Completely miserable. But now its not just to lose some extra pounds (although that is highly motivating!) but just to be healthy in general. I've mapped out about a 1.3 mile route to start out with through my neighborhood and will be trying that today. I just think I would feel less tired, have more energy and just feel better about myself if I started engaging in some sort of regular exercise. Now I exercise but its usually random activities and at random intervals. I really like raquetball but once my brother's guest pass at the gym expired, I had no one to play with. My dad likes going to spin class at the gym and its hard to pull him away. Bicycle riding is fun, but I do not enjoy it on my own because a) there is no one to draft off in the wind, b) I am afraid of getting lost, c) its dangerous to wear your ipod when cycling because you can't hear traffic, d) I am still a tad bit nervous around the traffic in Houston, and d) Ella can't go. So giving running a try just seems like a good option to me. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Its going to be hard to be regular at it right now between my work and training schedule, but hopefully I can get a good base going.

The other new thing I am trying in life is keeping a notebook of letters to my future spouse. I've tried it like 2 times before but felt kinda silly and awkward about it. Well last night, Pastor Greg talked about how he did it for his wife and recommended that the singles in the room think about doing it as well. So I figured why not give it another shot? Plus, I've been thinking about the topic lately, so this is a good way to focus those energies and not allow them to consume me. So I wrote one today and didn't feel too awkward this time around. So this too, we will see how it goes.

I didn't post last week so I didn't get to put up the quote from my planner. So this week, you get two! Yay!

"Never change when love has found its home." ~Sextus Propertius~

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." ~George Sand~

Also, I have decided to start posting some yummy recipes for you to try because I love to cook and I want everyone to share in my joy! Haha... here's one I fed my family a few weeks ago that was a hit and very very easy!



Foil-Pack Chicken and Artichoke Dinner (from www.kraftfoods.com - amazing recipes here!)

Ingredients:
3 cups instant white rice uncooked
3 cups warm water
6 small boneless chicken breast halves (1 1/2 lbs.)
1 can (13 3/4 oz.) artichoke hearts, drained and quartered
2 cups chopped tomatoes
1/2 cup light zesty italian dressing
1/4 cup pesto

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Mix rice and water. Spoon evenly into center of each of six (I only used four) large sheets of foil. Top each with one chicken breast (I cut the chicken into chunks and thought the chicken was much more tender and easier to eat). Cover evenly with artichokes and tomatoes. Then drizzle with combined dressing and pesto.

Bring up foil sides. Double fold top and sides to seal packet. Leave room for heat circulation inside. Place packets in single layer on baking sheet.

Bake 30-35 minutes. Remove packets from oven and let stand for 5 minutes. Cut slits in each packet to release steam before opening.

I hope y'all like this as much as I did!

PS - I don't like tomatoes at all so I just pushed them aside but they didn't ruin the flavor of the rest of my dinner. FYI for those of you who dislike tomatoes as much as I do.

God bless!

I'm pregnant...

Haha. Not really. But a third grader today told me I was. Love it. I was hugging another student and he yells out, "Don't touch her belly! She has a baby in there!" I thought I was gonna die. And never wear that shirt again! Its one of those with an empire waist line with a sash that goes around and ties in back. The other kids started yelling at him about how rude that was to say that to a lady and I just stood there in shock and horror. And thats how my first day of a four day sub job started today.... it's gonna be a long week!

Anyways, the topic on my mind lately is stillness before the Lord. In the first part of Psalms 37:7, David tells us to, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him...". Stillness is something I do not do very well at all but need to do. I'm going through a lot of changes in my life, sometimes almost faster than I can handle (hence the reason I need the Lord). I have a hard time settling and calming myself down. What does stillness before the Lord look like? I know its shutting myself up and letting Him speak to my heart. And don't even get me started on waiting patiently...another thing that needs improvement in my life. So yeah. Thats all I have. Just something I've been trying to focus on as of late rather than getting so caught up in myself.

Well, must go to bed. Day 2 of my 4 day job is tomorrow and clearly, I need my rest!

God bless!

Planning on Love

"Is not a kiss the very autograph of love?"

~Henry Finck~

No. I don't have a boy or anything (more commentary to come on that topic later in the post...). But I do have a new planner - an eagerly anticipated purchase each year - yeah, I'm a HUGE nerd! "What does that have to do with love," you might ask. Well my new planner is a Mary Engelbreit planner. This is my second year to have a planner designed by her and they are just precious with pictures and quotes for each new week. Each year also has a unique theme to it and many of the quotes for each week relate to that theme. 2008's chosen theme is "From the Bottom of My Heart" and all the quotes in it are about love, hence the quote for this week I posted above. I'll try and post each new week's quote because they are simply precious and worth sharing.

I decided that this was a good theme for my life this year as well. I want to love God more deeply than I ever have before. I want to love others more deeply than I ever have before. I even want to love myself more. One year in middle school I went to Kanakuk summer camp in the Ozarks for a week. It wasn't a really enjoyable experience (not knocking Kanakuk or anything - it just was not a good situation for me personally) but I did take away a few things from that week. One was a simple acrostic of the word JOY. Jesus first, Others second, Yourself third. Cheesy and elementary, yes, but also a good way to put things in perspective in life. Thats how I want to love, like I previously said. I want to know what the Word has to say about love (a work already in progress) and the infinite ways that Jesus loved. I want to learn from others and how they truly love. I want to learn more about love as a choice and as actions rather than just the "feeling" the secular world promotes. I really just want to understand more deeply what love is and what it needs to look life in the life of a Godly woman (because that is what I seek to be). So this, folks, is my big resolution for the year (and for life really...).

Anyways. I mentioned above about boys and that I would comment on that. I was blog stalking around some today and read a girl's blog that said she wanted to have sex in '08. That was her resolution. She is a Christian and was basically referring to "finding a mate in '08". Pretty bold statement but as I've mentioned before would be something I wouldn't mind happening in '08. Or '09. Or just someday (hopefully sooner than later...)! But I'll leave that in God's hands because He has a much better plan than I do (and I'm not just saying that to hopefully make myself feel better - I really do mean it).

However, I decided that a half serious, half joking resolution of mine would be just to go on a date in '08. A real date. I have been on a couple acci-dates (where you don't know you are on one until later - surprise!). I've taken boys as dates to KXA functions when I was in college (but seriously - you have to ask the boys to those). I've been set up on a few blind dates that never really worked out. Dating just hasn't ever been my thing. I want to go on a real date. One where the boy asks if he can take you out to dinner or to do something fun. Where its obvious its a date and he is interested in getting to know you a little better. Even if its just one or two, I'm okay with that.

Now you might say this is out of my control. Yes, that is partially true. And since it is sort of not in my hands, I'm okay if it doesn't happen.

But there are a few things I can control. I really inhibit myself a lot of times from even getting to know boys at all. Mainly because they scare me. I know for one I am horrible at making eye contact. I feel like I'm sending the wrong message if I maintain 2 seconds of eye contact. Yeah, I'm ridiculous. I avoid complimenting boys on things because again, I don't want to send the wrong message. I shy away from conversations where I have to share my opinion or feelings on a topic because I don't want them to think I'm ridiculous for thinking or feeling one way or another. I'm so focused on not sending the wrong message that I leave myself little time to send the right message. And by the right message I don't mean, "hey, take me on a date". I mean, "Hey, I think you are nice. We could be good friends. Etc., etc., etc.". I know much about good personal communication skills. But I can't seem to use those skills that I use well in other arenas when I am talking to someone of the opposite sex. Oi vey. I'm a mess. I have a dad and brother. I should be okay with boys!

But the truth is, I'm not and I need to make some changes. Not just to get a date. That's not my goal in life (mainly just a nice idea that I hope would happen). Honestly, I think a lot of this stems from low self-confidence on my part and lack of love towards myself. I often in the back of my mind trick myself into believing that I am not worth it, boys like other girls better than me, other girls are more worthy than I am, I am ugly, etc. But I know these are the lies that Satan has planted deep within me (and most girls) and I am allowing them to take root in my life.

I want to stand on the promises and truths that God has given to me and fully believe in them and live my life in such a way that displays this. God wants His promises and truths displayed in us. We were created for that. And I'm not just talking about dealing with the opposite sex now (although thats how this topic started). I'm talking about all areas of life, big and small.

So thats my other big resolution for the year (and life too...): to allow His promises and truths to be displayed in my life.

Amen.

God bless.

PS - I tried to put spaces in my post between paragraphs so it would be easier to read. But Blogger wouldn't let me do that. I'm having trouble with the formatting. So I apologize for the gigantic neverending paragraphs that are my blog posts. Love you!

Vertical Perspective

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

~Hebrews 12:2~

So like the last post I heard about this topic twice in a short span of time and felt it was fairly noteworthy and worth some thought. The general idea is that we ought to look vertically towards Jesus rather than viewing the world horizontally and looking at others. I don't need to compare my life and what God is doing in it to those around us. He has a unique plan for each and everyone one of us and will be faithful to complete it. But if I am so busy focusing on the lives of others, how can I possibly be focusing on my own life and what God is doing in it?

I just need to be looking up. My life is between God and I and what He wills for it. Looking at the lives at others is a) a lack of faith on my part and b) sometimes breaking a commandment - coveting thy neighbor. It also can cause me to miss the beautiful things He is trying to do in my life because I'm so distracted by the lives of others. Yes, I can definitely learn from the lives of others and should do so. But I shouldn't base my life around theirs. We all have our own joys, blessings, sacrifices, idols, etc. And my life is not going to be identical to anyone elses. My focus needs to be on what is occurring between Him and me so that His purpose in me can be carried out. Looking at the lives of others is bailing out on Him and His plan.

So as I enter this new year, another resolution and I can add to the list is a more vertical perspective and a less horizontal one.

God bless!

Post #3 for the evening...

I felt like splitting up my posts this evening was a better idea (and easier for me).

I just had some random thoughts that really didn't fit in my other 2 posts.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is God's 400 years of silence. I hadn't really given it that much thought before but I heard it mentioned twice in one day so I figured God was trying to tell me something. I knew there had been a silence from Him. But geez! 400 years! And His followers waited that long in eager anticipation and faith that He would speak again. I get upset when God is silent for even a few days! But I also think He uses that silence to still us and to prepare our hearts for when He does speak. Maybe I should appreciate the silence more (even though it is a harsh reminder of my sins) and ready myself for when He does speak to me.

Another thought on my mind is the frailty of humans as well as their dominant position over other creatures of the earth. Seriously. There are many many animals out there that could rip us to shreds in seconds flat. We wouldn't even know what hit us. And we really aren't strong enough to stand up to it or even fight back. Yet we are at the top. I know our intellectual capabilities (although I question some - okay many - members of our species) put us steps above them but seriously. I think our weakness and frailty keeps us humble to a certain degree. I think if we possessed both intellectual and physical prowess, our world would be an even more messed up and crazy place than it already is currently. Just an interesting juxtaposition of superiority and frailty in my opinion.

Okay, enough lackluster philosophical thinking from me. I like pondering deep things but I do not always possess the ability to articulate them well nor debate them anyone. So I'm done.

In VERY exciting news - I'M GOING TO BOSTON IN MARCH!!! I found a good deal on plane tickets so I will get to see my favorite happily married couple who are on a grand adventure there! I have been wanting to go since they moved their last June and my dream is coming true :0) I wanted to do something around spring breakish time and after some playing around with ideas and doing some research I decided that it was time to make my first visit (of hopefully many more!) to Boston.

So my computer is about to run out of battery power so I need to go. I hope y'all are doing well! God bless!

Excited for the New Year! - Post #2

So I don't think I've been out doing something fun for New Years since I was like a freshman in high school (you think I'm kidding....oh how I wish I was!). My family has always had like family friends over or last year I went with my brother to his friend's house and hung out with her and her family. Nothing too exciting. But this year that changed!! I got to dress up and everything! Luckily, I had several dresses from KXA semiformals in the past to choose from (and luckily, almost all of them fit!). Ashley had also lent me a really pretty dress but I opted for a slightly less formal one (thanks though Ash! I really loved the dress!)

The singles ministry at the church I'm attending (HFBC) put on a party/dance/game night thing and it was so fun! Some people from my class went to eat at this sweet little italian place by Memorial City Mall before the party and then we headed on over to the party. I mainly just socialized and danced all night long! Too much fun! Jenny went with me too so that was really great :0) I love the people in my class and ringing in the New Year with these precious people was such a treat! Below are the 3 pictures I took of this fun night.

Jenny, Me and Jonathan

Some really fun girls (Jenny, Me, Staci and Kate)!

My sweet precious friend Jenny and I looking hot in our great New Years hats!

As far as resolutions go, I don't really make official ones but I do have some ideas of things I would like to accomplish in the coming year. Here are a few of them:

• Increased faith, more pressing into Him and more discipline in my spiritual life.
• Like everyone else in the world, eat better, exercise more and hopefully, lose weight. I know I don't look horrible or anything but I don't feel good about myself. I just want to feel comfortable about myself and how I look (although, I really am coming to realize its not the most important thing in the world).
• Get a job (finishing teacher certification), move into my own place and really establish myself as a somewhat more self-sufficient young single adult.
• Learn how to budget my finances better (I've been somewhat learning....but I haven't done that well....)
• Try more new recipes! I just love to cook :0)

So thats just a few ideas I had. What are yours!??!

I hope y'all have very blessed coming year! Yay!

Funny story - We found out that Ella is terrified of fireworks! We were all out last night and when my parents returned, they couldn't find her anywhere! Finally after much searching (and panicking!) they found her..... in my bathtub! Haha...who would have guessed?!!?

Christmas - Post #1

I'm doing 3 posts tonight. One for Christmas, one for New Years and another post of my most recent random thoughts, news, etc. Here was Christmas at the Stewarts:

Ella being very excited about one of her yummy gifts!

Rachael Ray pots and pans! Yay! Now I just have to wait and get my own place so I can use them...

Dad being really excited about his new coffee maker for the new house :0)

Grandma and Grandma sporting their "Ask Me About My Granddog" tshirts that Ella gave them

Yay for a GPS system! Now I won't be as lost in Houston :0)

Ruby playing with the only Christmas present she's ever gotten...poor kitty!

I got my dad 10 beers from around the world (he likes trying beers from different places) for Christmas. Here's just one of them!

Mom overjoyed at getting her Roomba for the new casa!

Kyle trying on his jacket I got him for Christmas. The best part about this jacket is that I got it 60% off at JCPenneys!

Excited about the digital photo frame my brother got them :0)

And last but not least (probably should have been first) the picture of our small but sweet Christmas tree and the presents before they were opened.

Christmas was pretty exciting at our house. We are truly blessed :0)

Wedding Dreams

Ever since I was very very little, my dreams have always been extremely vivid and seem extremely real and believable while they are going on in my head. And when I have one (its not a nightly thing for me...just every few weeks) I tend to mull it over in my head over the next few days (what happened, why it happened, why I dreamed about it, etc.).

But last night, I am very bothered by my dream. No one died. No one was sick. Nothing bad happened. I dreamed I was getting ready for my wedding. Should be a happy one, right?

Now, like most girls, I like to think about my wedding every now and then. Its fun. I like to plan events and things. I like collecting ideas. Its just something I think about from time to time.

But I hate dreaming that I am actually having a wedding. For one, I never seem to be ready or prepared in my dreams. Its right before the ceremony and several huge things are not done (in this most recent one, I had on ugly black shoes and could not find the white ballet slippers I wanted to wear). It stresses me out. And its like this in every dream. I am largely unprepared for the day and can't seem to get my act together. Another thing that bothers me is that my soon to be husband is always a mystery guy. Sometimes I never see him (like I'm getting ready in the bridal room or something...). Other times I'm getting ready to walk down the aisle and there is just a figure there but my dad and I are still way too far away to see his face. Last night, I could kinda see the guy's face (kinda fuzzy...didn't really remind me of anyone I know). But what bothered me most last night is that my fiance/husband was kinda cold and distant. I had worked hard on a sweet letter to him for our wedding day and had given it to him. He was kinda just walking around the church before the wedding, seeing me before the wedding and then just kinda shrugged at me and said, "oh, thanks for the letter" in a rather nonchalant manner. It was horrible and cold.

But I think what I hate most about these dreams is that they make me focus on something I'm trying not to focus my energies on. I really am desiring to enjoy there here and now and cherishing my singlehood. But like most girls, I go through phases where I just so badly want to be married (or even go on a date....sheesh!) and I get extremely green with envy towards my friends that are already married or are about to be married. I was doing pretty okay with not being upset about it until last night's dream.

I could analyze this dream til I'm blue in the face. Part of me wonders if it is a reminder to not think that once I am married and such that my life will be fixed and everything. I used to be naiive and believe that. But I am observing a lot of my friends who are around that time in their life and realize this is just not true. Marriage is a beautiful thing but it seems to come with its own set of unique difficulties that us as young single adults do not currently face. I also think this dream reminds me that I still have some deep-seated fears of being seriously involved with a man. I haven't dated in 3 years and my last relationship was quite the flop. And honestly, as nice as it would be to go on a date and have a boyfriend or whatever, it kinda scares me too. Boys as friends aren't threatening. Boys as more than friends is intimidating to me even though its something I desire. So enough analysis about my weird dreams.

But they are making me struggle. I just wish I wouldn't have them. If they are daydreams, I can cut them off and move on. But these night dreams, I can't stop until they are over no matter how much I want them to.

I want to be content where I'm at. I don't want this strong desire to control me. It shouldn't and it can't. But if I'm being 100% honest, there are phases I go through where it does. Ugh.

I'm not quite sure why I felt compelled to share my thoughts on these dreams. But I did. So there. Does anyone else have this issue? I wish I didn't!

Anyways, Christmas was pretty good. Got some very sweet and nice gifts that I am more than enjoying. Some things, I have to wait to enjoy. I got a set of Rachael Ray pots and pans (blue, not the ugly orange!) but will have to wait until I move into my own place to use them :0(. Oh well. Something to look forward to! I will post pictures of the day in my next post. Hope all of your Christmases were good and you were blessed. Love you!

Happy Birthday/Anniversary Ella!

So today marks one year that Ella and I have been together! I decided that since this was the day I got her, it would be her unofficial birthday as well because who knows when her real birthday is (I'm not even sure exactly how old she is even!) so Christmas Eve seemed like a good day. For her birthday, I got her microchipped in case she runs off so I can find her again. It probably didn't feel like much of a present (it involves two large needles!) but its good for her and since she is a roamer and a wonderer, its rather necessary. My mom had gotten her some cool bones at PetCo but yesterday, she got bored, went into my mom's closet and since my mom had "hidden" them on the floor of the closet, Ella just helped herself. She ate four out of twelve dental chew bones (now she has really clean teeth!) and half of a large meat filled/flavored bone. I really thought she would get sick from all that but she didn't (Praise the Lord - for real! I was expecting a fairly nasty mess!)! Today, I found a recipe for dog birthday cake online so I baked it for her and will frost it with cottage cheese later. Yes, I am obsessed with my dog. But who wouldn't be with such a sweet face like that!?!?

Merry Christmas Eve! God bless!