1 post, 2 topics...I'll try and keep this one short

Two topics are really on my heart, so I felt the need to blog about them. As I mentioned in the title, I really will try to be as concise as possible.

1. Two years ago, I worked at Sky Ranch. I remember during training before camp started we were training on the ropes and challenge courses. This one morning, we were at the pole where you climbed to the top (maybe a 15-20 ft. pole?) of it and then jumped off attempting to grab on to a trapeze bar thing before your trusty belayer people started letting you down. Wanting to be cool and fit in with the camp crowd, I decided that I had enough courage to try this pole jump off thing (although, honestly, the thought of climbing up and jumping made me want to wet my pants, throw up or both) and after watching a few of my counselor friends try it, decided it was my turn. So I got all strapped into the harness and such and shakily began the climb to the top of this pole onto a tiny little platform at the top. My new friends were cheering me on from the ground, encouraging me to keep going even though the pole was shaking more than it usually did because I was shaking so much. Very hesitantly, I got up on the platform and promptly refused to stand up. I knew I was strapped in and that belayer guy had my back, but would not stand up. Finally after what seemed like a century, I stood up. Great. Now it was time to jump. Jump!?!?! Sick. So I stood there for another century debating whether I should jump or not. I would look like a wimp if I climbed down but I also was paralyzed with fear of jumping off the stupid pole. Finally, I decided I didn't want to be a wimp and would jump. However, when I finally did jump I didn't even try for that trapeze bar thing. You were really cool if you could grab on to it. You were congratulated for trying. I just kinda hopped off the platform and let belayer guy bring me down. And I was so disappointed with myself for not even trying to reach that bar. And sometimes, this story is how I feel about my approach to life. I get all psyched up about trying new things and challenging myself. I start getting ready and such. And then I hit this point where its no longer "safe". I back down. I might go a little out on a limb, but I still kinda wimpily do the safe thing. I don't even try to challenge myself or reach/explore any further. I retreat back in my safety zone and wait to safely be brought back down to the ground. And I don't trust God in any of it. I trusted belayer guy more than I trust God. If belayer guy had my back the whole time and wasn't going to let me die from falling off a tall pole, why don't I trust God with things bigger and more important? So frustrating...
2. Earlier this week, a mother in Flower Mound (about 10 min. or so from where I live) shot and killed her husband, two kids and finally herself. They were a normal family with a normal life living in the suburbs of Dallas. Sadly, this is not a new story, not even new for this year. Its happened before. What brings people to such a point that they kill the ones they love the most? How do a husband and wife come to hate each other so much that they want to kill each other? How is a mother driven so crazy by her kids that she kills them too? And why does no one notice that they are hurting?? The next door neighbor who takes care of their dogs when they vacation didn't even know there was any problem. My heart just aches deeply over this story. I ache for the friends of the kids who aren't really old enough to comprehend or make sense of such an atrocity. I ache for the parents of the husband and wife, the grandparents of these kids. I ache for the neighbors. I didn't even know this family, yet I ache deeply. I hate that we live in a society where we need to conceal all our skeletons and in the process fall deeper and deeper into things like hurt, depression, alcoholism and other wounds that are difficult to heal. I hate that we don't talk to our neighbors on a regular basis, often not even knowing their names. Anyways, my heart just has a lot of questions about this and situations like this.

Anyways, I kept it as concise as possible.

I'm just here trying to finish my sort of thesis paper and packing up for my move to Houston next week. More on that topic later.

God bless!