As of late...

So I've had good intentions of posting but somewhere in the shuffle of life, updating my blog ranks pretty low on the priority list of things to get done. So here's what has been happening as of late:

• I got a dog for Christmas! Her name is Ella (after Ella Fitzgerald - she sings!). She is a 3-4 year old Siberian Husky who is very sweet and affectionate with lots of energy and enthusiasm. Ella and Gibson (Ashley, my roomate's dog) are getting along pretty well unless one takes the other's bone and they get in a fight (leaving a nice bite mark on my hand from an attempt to break it up). There's a picture of her at the bottom of this post.


• Work is going ok. I'm still working at the elementary school as a special education assistant. I love my kids (they have their moments, however) and I really will miss them next year, especially my little girl with Down' Syndrome, Alexis. I have a strong love-hate relationship with her (its mutual) but she is teaching me as much as I'm teaching her. My co-workers are doing ok, but are sometimes more frustrating than the kids. I don't know if its just the school I work at or its this way everywhere, but everyone seems to be so catty, gossipy and sometimes vindictive. It can be a very hostile environment some days. Luckily though, my lunch time has been pushed back a little bit so I will be eating lunch with one of my closer work buddies, Melissa. What a blessing :0)


• Still thinking about what I want to be when I "grow up"/finish my Masters. Right now, I'm leaning towards Early Childhood Intervention/Child Development Specialist. It would be a good job allowing me to work with the population I want (disabled/special needs children and their families) and some flexibility to move where I want (who knows where that is!?!?). I was thinking along the lines of working in camps for children with disabilities, but I think I may get some experience first and then work my way into that area or even start my own camp (a family camp maybe?). Mainly, I'm just focusing on drawing near to God and letting Him do the guiding and moving, because we all know my ability to make decisions is limited at best. This curent leaning towards this path could be different in a week, but thats ok. I still have until mainly this summer to decide (I graduate in December and need to do an internship/field experience in the fall semester).


• Over the Christmas break and continuing on now, God has been working on several areas of my heart. The main area is worry/anxiety because it without a doubt is my biggest problem. Its something that often controls me and prevents me from a lot. Its something I tell myself constantly that I don't need to be doing, but yet its always there and difficult to escape for me. If only I could just let all go and let God take the reigns. But as many times as I say it and earnestly want to do just that, I never seem to be able to lay it all at Christ's feet. Anxiety/worry is a sin that others might not see in you because it isn't as external as it is internal. I don't seem to struggle as much (I do struggle though...dont' get me wrong) with external sins as I do with internal ones that somehow, I tend to keep well hidden most of the time in fear of seeming imperfect (another battle of mine). I need like an anxiety alert that goes off so others can see it and call me on it. Oy vey. Other areas God is faithfully working on are patience, living and seeing beauty in the present (not focusing so much on the future), being closed off to God, family and friends, fear (another one He is constantly trying to work on in me), fakeness and being critical of myself and others.


• One thing that often is at the back of my mind (and occassionally the front as well) is my future husband. I often find myself daydreaming about even just having a boyfriend, planning my wedding and so on. I think a lot of single women my age fall into this daydream trap. While its fine to think about it, it isn't okay to live for it. I think the environment/culture I'm in puts a lot of pressure towards getting married and starting life. I went to my church in Houston over the Christmas break and it was overwhelming in that sense. There are 3 girls younger than me who are married and have babies, 2 who are expecting their first baby and about 10 more who are about to get married. When you talk to these girls and explain to them that you are single and have no real prospects, they look at you like you are from a foreign country and possibly have something wrong with you because of the lack of diamonds on your ring finger. A lot of people do it at that church. Not everyone, but a lot. Its like if you aren't engaged by 20 and pregnant by 21, you missed the boat. You are the fat kid in the dodgeball game in elementary school. I know I'm not those things and haven't missed any boat, but its hard walking into an environment that seems to be somewhat of a marriage and/or baby farm. Graduating from Baylor (Ring by Spring capital of the world) probably didn't help much either. I often have to step back and remind myself that I'm only 23 and have a lot of life left to live and do things with. I have a very strong desire to get married and have a family, but is it really so bad to wait until you are 25, 26 or maybe even later? ( I would prefer not to wait that long, but maybe God wants to do something with me during that time to glorify Him). There are lots of women my age and older who are single and perfectly normal. I need to remind myself that some of the environments I feel pressure from aren't "normal" in every situation/place. I'm just tired of being pressured to be in such a rush to "start life" when I think my life is fine and is growing. Often easier said than done in terms of where my heart lies sometimes, but the truth.

Anyways, it was a long post, but its a cold, rainy, icy Sunday afternoon, so it was a good time to spend some time sharing what was on my heart. Hope everyone is well!

God bless!