hip hip hooray!

So, I officially got offered my internship today!! So exciting! I honestly can't wait to start! Yay!

Two points of interest though. So, I had to write this essay for my application for my internship. In the last paragraph, I mentioned that I would eventually like to learn Spanish so I could reach more clients. Haha....well, I guess whoever was reading it thought I already knew Spanish, so they paired me with a bilingual EIS (Early Intervention Specialist) who has mostly Spanish speaking clients. I will be doing most of my shadowing/observation with her. And have no clue what is going on/being said! Haha...they said she would translate for me as much as she could, but she can't spend her whole time doing that. Maybe I will be picking up some Spanish sooner than I thought. Oh dear. This should be interesting.

Also, a girl a couple of years older than me who went to Baylor and was a speech path major sent me a message on facebook saying that she is actually an EIS where I will be interning. I think I've met this girl maybe once or twice (we are facebook friends, so you know that makes it official!), so I don't know her well or anything, but at least I'll have a work friend! Kinda cool how things like that work out.

The only thing I'm not excited about is the driving. Oi vey! I am splitting my time between 2 offices on sort of opposite sides of town and neither office is particularly close to my parent's house. The Buick will be gettin' a lot of miles put on her! And I thought my drive to work last year was bad...

Anyways, just wanted to update. Hope all is well! God bless!

Perspective

Came across this verse a couple of weeks ago and it has really helped to put things in perspective.

"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." ~Mark 14:36~

This was right before Jesus' crucifixion. Basically, he knows what is happening, does not want it to happen, but humbles, yields and obeys the Father regardless. What a sweet picture of how I need to be living my life as a Christian woman. Jesus releases all control (the "cup") and surrenders to the powerful Almighty. If he can humbly submit himself before the Lord when torture and an unfathomably horrific death is about to happen to him, why can't I do that even in the small things? Using the word, "Abba" is such a sweet, endearing term for the Father and Jesus uses it even though he knows the path is full of pain and suffering. We all try to hold and balance our "cups", especially when life feels out of control. But what would it look life if we simply gave up that cup, despite what the circumstances, to someone who knows much better how to hold it than we do?

I am definitely a cup-grabber. I like my way. I like to plan and control. And I know that holding my cup is what keeps me from sweet intimacy with Him.

Anyways, I just loved this verse and picture. Its been rolling over in my mind for the past few weeks and God has been speaking to my heart through it and I wanted to share it.

Well, internship lady called today. I have a meeting with her on Thursday to get things started and set my hours, so it looks like its a go from here! Yay! I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I have no idea what to expect. But I love the fact that I am going to get to serve these children and families and do one of the things I am most passionate about in life. I'll let you know how it goes.

God bless!

After the ride...

So this weekend was fun! Despite the fact that I spent the entire weekend with 8 men (most of whom I do not know very well), fun was still had by all. I felt like I rode decently (averaged 15-16 mph - pretty decent for a newbie) for my first ride and am not giving up on this sport any time soon! I rode the 25 mile route but added 8 additional miles to it because I missed a turn by accident. I think maybe next time I'll ride the 50 mile route because the riders on that route are slightly more experienced and tend to ride safer and are more experienced than the ones on the 25 mile course. One cool thing about the ride was one of the rest stops. It was actually right on Sheppard's Air Force Base. Amazing! When riding up to the actual rest stop we read all these signs about the base and the AF in general. A little futher down they had a bunch of planes all on display for us to see. I was so sad that I didn't have a camera! When you got to the rest stop, there were actual members of the AF there running the stop and offering their assistance. They were so friendly (and not to mention some were really cute! Maybe I should have just stopped the ride there...hehe). Crossing the finish line was a neat experience too. Everyone cheered and clapped for you and you got this cool memento pin. I can't wait til I can ride the full 100 miles and crossing the finish line will be even cooler. Thats still a bit away though, but a goal nonetheless. It wasn't too hot this year despite the name of the ride (Hotter 'n Hell!) but was told it has been miserable in past years. So that was real nice. After the ride, we just kinda hung around, ate some snacks, waited for the others and looked at the trade show. Once everyone was finished, we packed up and drove to the Ft. Worth Stockyards to eat at Cattlemen's (apparently, this is a longstanding tradition). It was cool. My steak wasn't very good but the ambiance was neat. After that, we booked it back to Houston and fell asleep very soon after! Weekends like that wear you out!

I know some of you are wondering how meeting this boy, Chris, went. It wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it was going to be. He was cute and very nice. Most boys don't talk to me and kind just look past me, but he made good conversation the entire weekend and was really a sweet guy. I don't know if anything will come of it, but he was nice and friendly. I'm also not sure where he stands on matters of faith, but maybe we'll learn more later. I'll keep you posted. Oh, and remember that time I said I wouldn't have to wear spandex in front of him?? I was wrong. He ended up staying in our hotel and started the ride with us and yes, there was me in all my glory in spandex. Good grief. But oh well. Everyone is wearing spandex at these rides and I for sure did not look the worst. Hehe... anyways.

Exciting news! When I returned last night, I checked my email and there was an email from my contact at the internship I want. She said she had been on vacation for 2 weeks and thats why she hadn't contacted me. She told me a lady would contact me this week with more details and said they looked forward to meeting me. So I'm excited! Nervous, but excited!

Anyways, my parents are on their way home to pick me up to go eat dinner, so I must go change clothes. I'll keep you updated on any more news!

God bless!

What is going on here?

So, I moved to Houston a week ago, pretty sure I was going to have an internship and ready to finish my masters and get on with "real" life. Well, the people I was pretty sure I was going to be interning with haven't contacted me in over four weeks, my application has been in for 2 or 3 weeks and they will not reply to my emails. I thought moving here was the right thing. I have a back up plan but am not sure if I should put it into action. I could take two internet classes to finish my degree, get certified to teach Special Ed and substitute teach this year until I get a job (most likely next year). There are serious financial considerations to take into account (textbooks, insurance after I finish my degree, paying off loans, etc.). I know it is in the Lord's hands. I know He has a plan. I know I'm at this point for a reason. But I also know I need to make a decision as classes start on Monday for UNT. I need to register and order my textbooks soon if I do that. I also need to sign up for certification classes and take an entrance test if I want to teach. Do I change what I thought I was supposed to be doing. Do I wait longer? I'm just not sure. I want to make a wise, God-directed decision, but it is so hard. Just pray that my heart will be open to His guidance and that I will feel a peace about the decision I do make. And pray that I will act in faith. Teaching was something I thought I never would do. But maybe that is what God wants. Anyways, just pray. A decision needs to be made in the next day or so, so yeah, I'll be on my knees!

In other news, I will be riding my first bike ride this weekend. I will be driving up to Wichita Falls, TX with my dad, brother and some of their biking buddies to ride in the Hotter 'N Hell 100 (I will only be riding the 25 mile loop, however - 100 miles is a bit much for a beginner!). I'm pretty pumped. And yes, I will be wearing the cute spandex that you see all those crazy bikers wearing. I'm not so excited about that, but if you don't wear it, you are an outcast on these rides! You think I'm kidding. Hehe... Also, my dad has this guy that he works with who has a son my age. He will be there also (he's a cyclist as well). My dad has been trying to get me to meet him for six months. Apparently he's a nice guy. Should be interesting... not a situation I am entirely comfortable with, but I am really trying to challenge myself and do things that scare me because I too often get stuck in my very narrow comfort zone. Oh, and just so you know, I will not have to wear my spandex in front of him. We are meeting him tomorrow night at the spaghetti dinner. He is riding on his own the next day. Whew....that might have been a super awkward situation! Spandex = awkward!

Went to an Astros game tonight with my parents. So fun! It was $1 hot dog night. I just love deals like that! I don't even like hot dogs that much, but had to eat them because it was the best deal going there! I'm a sucker for deals like that. The Astros lost (seems to be a trend this season...) but it was still fun. My dad splurged a little and got us pretty good seats on the first base side. I cheered. I did the wave. I sang "Deep in the Heart of Texas" and "Take Me Out to the Ball Game". Fun was had by all!

God bless!

Doggies are not allowed on the counter!

So funny story. I told you that Ella was obsessed with Ruby, the 17 year old cat and that she couldn't understand why she doesn't want to be friends with her. She also loves Ruby's food and is constantly trying to find some way to steal some. Well, we have this butler's pantry thing in our house. Its basically like a small counter top and a cabinet thing right by our dining room (it seems kinda silly to me, but its there so whatever) and thats where we keep Ruby's plate of food. Well, Ruby had finished for the night and Ella kept sniffing and walking by it. Well, while the rest of us were distracted, she climbed up the step stool and stood on the counter top like the cat does so she could eat the leftovers! Now, this countertop is probably only 2 ft. x 2 ft. Not big at all. Certainly not big enough for a 47 pound dog! But somehow, she got herself up there and ate the cat food! Good grief...

Well, thats all for today. Still adjusting to Houston. Don't have a job or internship, so be praying about that situation or what I should do next in case that doesn't work out. I cleaned out my entire room here (6 bags - big black ones - of trash and 4 of give away stuff) and it looks wonderful! I've never been so pleased with myself. All that is left to do is to clear off and take down some shelves in my room and hang up some pictures. Pretty exciting! Hope this finds you well.

God bless!

PS - I found my old GameBoy today and all the games (like 20) that I have. I played it for like half an hour while breaking from cleaning my room and beat the first two levels of Super Mario World. You just didn't know how cool I really am...hehe

Moved to Houston...

So, two days ago, I made the move. And am somewhat alarmingly unsure of what I am doing here. I have no job, no internship or anything. But I was often unsure of why I was in grad school, but figured that God would not have allowed it to happen if it isn't where He wanted me. Just pray that I have a peace about this move to Houston and that the right doors open up, even if they aren't the ones I expected or planned on.

Living with my parents has proved interesting thus far and will definitely be a test of my patience. I think it will be okay once I establish my own life outside of them, but right now I'm spending a lot (probably too much) time with them and missing my own space. But I can't really complain because I will be living for free for the next few months which wouldn't be possible without them.

One funny thing about moving to my parents house is watching Ruby, the 17 year old cat and Ella, my sweet doggy bond. Well, I wouldn't really call it bonding. Ella tries to get as close as she can to the cat and the cat just sits there and hisses and growls (who knew cats could growl!?!?) at her. Really, it just seems like a big staring contest. And Ruby, the 5 pound cat has effectively made Ella, the 47 pound dog scared of her. I think Ella is having a really hard time understanding why Ruby does not want to be friends with her. Yesterday, Ruby went and hid under the bed in hopes of escaping Ella's sniffing nose. We figured that was okay since supposedly, Ella could not get under the bed. Well guess who wiggled herself under the bed to be closer to the cat? Haha...it was so funny. She just kinda wiggled and army-crawled under there and just stared at the cat. Ruby just looked at Ella like she was ridiculous. I think Ruby was right. Haha...I wish I had a picture of this!

Anyways, I'll continue to chronicle this interesting transition back to muggy Houston.

God bless!

Tag You're It No Tag Backs!

Haha, so my lovely friend Chelsea tagged me in this game. So here goes...

1. Post the rules


2. List 8 random facts or habits about yourself.


3. If you are tagged, then you must Post the rules and list 8 random facts or habits about yourself


4. After you post, tag people and let them know they must read your blog for the rules.

Random facts....

1. I cannot stand hair in the bathroom, especially the shower. When I get in the shower, I have to check all the walls and stuff to see if there is any hair, get it off the walls (w/out touching it of course) and watch it go down the drain. Then I can start cleaning myself. Hair in the bathroom and shower literally makes my stomach turn.
2. I have to sleep in socks. Every night. I can't sleep without them on. They are kinda like my safety blanket, only just for my feet.
3. I have a girl-crush on Rachael Ray. Seriously. I love all her shows and the things she cooks. Sometimes I wish I was her! Haha..
4. Cooking and/or baking excites and relaxes me. However, I rarely do it because I'm not a good leftover eater and most recipes make too much for one person to eat.
5. There are two things in life I have a hard time convincing myself I have enough of. One is blankets and the other is jackets/sweatshirts. I'm not sure why this is as I have only lived in extremely hot places, but its true.
6. Bookstores really really excite me. I love to go in for hours and just browse and search and things like that. I don't buy books very often (as they can get expensive) but I just love bookstores.
7. I don't get hungry until about 1:30 in the afternoon. I might eat a granola bar or something of that sort around 10:00 a.m., but really, I just am not ready for food until 1:30. I eat before then sometimes. But usually because I am on a schedule that doesn't allow me to eat at 1:30.
8. Since I've been home all summer just doing homework, I've found that all I want to watch on TV (I keep it on a lot for noise, although I don't really ever "watch" it) is '80s or '90s sitcoms. Boy Meets World. Family Matters. Golden Girls. Fresh Prince. And so on. Its weird. I'm not sure why I like them so much, but I do. That and Food Network.

Okay. Who shall I tag? Umm...Audrey and Kimberly! Ready, set, go!

HAIRSPRAY!!!

So I have a very favorite new movie. Even topping the likes of Rent and Phantom of the Opera (although still at the top of my list). I don't think there was a single moment of that movie that I did not enjoy! I took myself there on a date as a reward for finishing my final paper for my grad school class work. And what a treat it was! Seriously. Its very rare that I fully enjoy a movie. I like a lot of movies, but not as much as I enjoyed this one. I will be the first one in line when the DVD comes out :0) Hehe...

Anyways, as I have finished my final paper, today was kinda weird. I had no purpose! Haha...I haven't worked all summer but homework has kept me busy enough. Today was weird! I mean, I got up and babysat this morning, so that was fun. But after that, there was nothing! I ended up working on a craft present for friends of mine, taking myself to the movies, getting some pictures developed at Walgreens and just watching TV. What shall I do tomorrow? I have almost everything packed because as usual, I did a lot in order to avoid doing school work. Well, I guess I'll just enjoy these final days of summer because I'm not so sure I'll ever have a summer "off" again!

Dear motorcycle riders...

Dear motor cycle riders,

Just because you have a smaller vehicle than the rest of us does not mean that you can break the rules of the road. Twice today, I saw two of you clearly breaking the rules of the road and putting yourself and other drivers at risk. So even though the cement truck on the two lane road is not going very fast, just be patient like the rest of us and wait til he turns so everyone can speed up to the actual speed limit.

Also, please wear helmets. I know wearing them causes helmet hair and other undesirable effects, but I would much rather have messy hair after the ride than messy brains all over the road. Congrats to the two of you I saw today doing dangerous things - you were actually wearing helmets.

Thank you,

Lara

1 post, 2 topics...I'll try and keep this one short

Two topics are really on my heart, so I felt the need to blog about them. As I mentioned in the title, I really will try to be as concise as possible.

1. Two years ago, I worked at Sky Ranch. I remember during training before camp started we were training on the ropes and challenge courses. This one morning, we were at the pole where you climbed to the top (maybe a 15-20 ft. pole?) of it and then jumped off attempting to grab on to a trapeze bar thing before your trusty belayer people started letting you down. Wanting to be cool and fit in with the camp crowd, I decided that I had enough courage to try this pole jump off thing (although, honestly, the thought of climbing up and jumping made me want to wet my pants, throw up or both) and after watching a few of my counselor friends try it, decided it was my turn. So I got all strapped into the harness and such and shakily began the climb to the top of this pole onto a tiny little platform at the top. My new friends were cheering me on from the ground, encouraging me to keep going even though the pole was shaking more than it usually did because I was shaking so much. Very hesitantly, I got up on the platform and promptly refused to stand up. I knew I was strapped in and that belayer guy had my back, but would not stand up. Finally after what seemed like a century, I stood up. Great. Now it was time to jump. Jump!?!?! Sick. So I stood there for another century debating whether I should jump or not. I would look like a wimp if I climbed down but I also was paralyzed with fear of jumping off the stupid pole. Finally, I decided I didn't want to be a wimp and would jump. However, when I finally did jump I didn't even try for that trapeze bar thing. You were really cool if you could grab on to it. You were congratulated for trying. I just kinda hopped off the platform and let belayer guy bring me down. And I was so disappointed with myself for not even trying to reach that bar. And sometimes, this story is how I feel about my approach to life. I get all psyched up about trying new things and challenging myself. I start getting ready and such. And then I hit this point where its no longer "safe". I back down. I might go a little out on a limb, but I still kinda wimpily do the safe thing. I don't even try to challenge myself or reach/explore any further. I retreat back in my safety zone and wait to safely be brought back down to the ground. And I don't trust God in any of it. I trusted belayer guy more than I trust God. If belayer guy had my back the whole time and wasn't going to let me die from falling off a tall pole, why don't I trust God with things bigger and more important? So frustrating...
2. Earlier this week, a mother in Flower Mound (about 10 min. or so from where I live) shot and killed her husband, two kids and finally herself. They were a normal family with a normal life living in the suburbs of Dallas. Sadly, this is not a new story, not even new for this year. Its happened before. What brings people to such a point that they kill the ones they love the most? How do a husband and wife come to hate each other so much that they want to kill each other? How is a mother driven so crazy by her kids that she kills them too? And why does no one notice that they are hurting?? The next door neighbor who takes care of their dogs when they vacation didn't even know there was any problem. My heart just aches deeply over this story. I ache for the friends of the kids who aren't really old enough to comprehend or make sense of such an atrocity. I ache for the parents of the husband and wife, the grandparents of these kids. I ache for the neighbors. I didn't even know this family, yet I ache deeply. I hate that we live in a society where we need to conceal all our skeletons and in the process fall deeper and deeper into things like hurt, depression, alcoholism and other wounds that are difficult to heal. I hate that we don't talk to our neighbors on a regular basis, often not even knowing their names. Anyways, my heart just has a lot of questions about this and situations like this.

Anyways, I kept it as concise as possible.

I'm just here trying to finish my sort of thesis paper and packing up for my move to Houston next week. More on that topic later.

God bless!

Confessions of a pack rat

Since I move nearly every year, there is something I sort of rediscover about myself every time I move.

I AM A RIDICULOUS PACK RAT!

I save anything and everything. Every piece of paper has a special meaning for whatever reason and I keep filling all these Rubbermaid containers with all these papers and what not.

And I don't even know why.

I guess I really like memories and stories. In the back of my mind, I want to sit down with my kids and/or grandkids on rainy days and pull out these Rubbermaid containers (maybe someday, I'll get a really cool trunk to replace the ugly plastic) and just go through these precious pieces of papers and tell my kids the stories behind them. Somehow, I don't think my kids will have that long of an attention span! Haha... Its so weird that I do this because my mom is the exact opposite. We constantly battled growing up over her trying to throw away my precious memory items. She looks at cards once, maybe lets them sit on the counter for a few days and then tosses them. I put the cards up on a bulletin board for a couple of months then take them down and put them in the Rubbermaid containers, never to be thrown away because for some reason, they are precious memories to me.

I think my lack of ability to throw things out (its not just cards folks - its pictures, tshirts, notes, certificates, little trinkets and really anything else you can think of - I truly am ridiculous) has more to do with my difficulty in letting things go and moving on. I am constantly replaying memories from the past few years (and sometimes beyond that) over and over in my head. I have a hard time moving on from things that mean a lot to me - take Baylor for instance. I still mourn the loss of college, even a year later. Every time I drive through Waco, I want to be back in college and doing the fun things I did in college with my fun friends.

Anyways, I had to take a break from the endless piles of junk I've managed to collect over the past year, so I decided to blog about my experience amid these piles of junk. I think Pack Rats Anonymous should probably be the next step.... hehe... I really need help!

Today is beautiful...I often forget that!

I was talking to a good friend of mine from college the other day, the lovely Ashley Gartner. We discussed how easy it is to forget to look for the beauty adn meaning in our present lives and get caught up in worrying about tomorrow and what it holds.

I really just need to tatoo that to my forehead. Although doing that would just remind everyone else and give me a backwards reminder when I looked in the mirror.

I was reminded of this fact today as I was babysitting. The 18 month old was sitting in my lap just cuddling and the three year old was being cute. I got to thinking how fun it would be to be a mom and do stuff like that all day. And how much I couldn't wait for it. Then, almost as quickly as I thought that, I realized just how much I am enjoying being selfish right now. I get to wake up when I want to on the weekends, eat what I want, just pick up and go on trips when I want and various other things that are at my own pace on my own timing. When you have kids, you don't get to do that! So, for now, I'm glad that those sweet moments are only for three or four hour stretches a couple times a week. I'll use other peoples' kids to get my kicks and then go home and back to doing things mostly however I want. I know a time will come when I will be willing and want to give that all up, but for now, I am okay with not being a mom. Its amazing to me how many girls my age already have a baby and are planning for more in the near future. How do they do it? Am I a bad person because I want to be selfish and have my own time right now? I hope not. I deeply desire to be a mother and devote myself to my kids. But not now. I do not think I have what it takes right now. I have some growing up to do. So maybe I'm too immature to have a kid right now. But thats okay. God will prepare me for the right time. I think He already is. I just do not think He wants me at that point just yet.

So while I'm content with not being a mother, one thing Ashley and I discussed is our difficulty with being content single women. With not being Godly wives to Godly men. I want to be content. I want to be okay with God and His timing for my life. I realize that marriage is not going to be some magic panacea for my life and that contentment is not dependent on marriage. Marriage brings its own set of new issues to contend with. But why, oh why does it occupy so many of my thoughts? This preoccupation certainly isn't helping any with my difficult adjustment to single adulthood. But I really just want to be okay with today. I want to be okay with where God has me, not where I think I should be. I am young. There is fun to be had. But I so deeply desire a companion to do it all with. I think thats why I am having such a hard time with it. Lack of companionship. Seriously. I have a lot of friends that I love. I love them and they love me. But many are scattered across the world. And involved in their own lives. And that is wonderful. Really. But I desire constant companionship. Yes, I certainly do value my alone time. I seek it out. But I want someone there. Someone who isn't going to leave me. Someone who will fight with me and for me. And yes, now I've crossed into girly land.

Thats okay. I took a personality test today (one of those silly ones online) and it ranked you on all these different qualitites. One of them was femininity. I scored a 92%. That was the strongest I was in any category. By far. Like by 30 or 40%. So, I guess thats how God made me. Very feminine. Sweet.

Anyways, I'm just packing up stuff around here and trying to finish up stuff for school and secure an internship/job. Ella is very confused by all the boxes. She doesn't want to go in my room. She'll sleep in there at night but thats about it. Otherwise she just sits outside my room and kinda peers in. Bless her heart. She will love living at grandma and grandpa's house though. Spoiled rotten. Although, they are packing up their house too, so who knows?

Well, I've rambled enough for today. I really try to make these entries concise. It never works. Rambling is what I do, and I am very sorry!

Please just pray for my last few weeks here in Denton and for the transition to Houston and all that entails (living with parents, new friends, church, job/internship, etc.). Pray that I will be content where He has me and that I will stop being so preoccupied on the future. God knows my heart and my desires...after all, He created them!

God bless!