Holy Moly!

Ok so I have a big decision coming up. Last night I was talking to my advising professor and she informed me that I needed to decide where I wanted to my internship in the fall and to base that decision on where I wanted to work (the internship is likely to lead into a job). I knew I would have to decide closer to December where I wanted to live but turns out I don't have that long. I need to start making contacts for my internship site pretty soon here. Basically, she told me have it decided before May. So basically, I need to decide where I want to live by then. Eeekkk! If you know me at all, you know that decision-making is not one of my strengths. Here are my options thus far:

1) Stay in the DFW area. I don't particularly like the area but I like the church I am going to.

2) Move back to Houston. I hadn't considered this option previously, but its sounding a bit better than it used to despite my disdain for Houston. I would be close to my parents (maybe living with them for a few months), there are good churches in the area and I would have some friends there as well.

3) Take a risk and move somewhere random (Colorado, California, whatever).

Anybody got any brilliant ideas? Just pray that God would reveal to me where He wants me and I would be open and willing to follow. I wouldn't hate ending up in any of those places but I just don't know what is right for me at this time in my life.

In other news, I got a phone call and email today informing me that the trip to China I had applied to go on was full. So, although I could resubmit my application for a later trip, that is not in the cards right now. I'm not that upset because I knew God would place me there if He wanted me there.

In very exciting news, my baby brother just got accepted as a Big Brother for KXA! Oh he is going to be so wonderful at it!

Anyways, I really need to go to bed. The kids at work are wearing me out this week so I need all the sleep I can get!

Wishy washy

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

~ 1 Corinthians 15:58 ~

Something I've been challenged more than ever with this year is standing firm and being who God has created me to be. I just feel like that while I'm trying to please God and live a life worthy of the calling, I simultaneously live a life that is aimed at pleasing man and fitting in. I change who I am to fit in with whoever I am with. I pretend to like things that I don't, I change my accent depending on where I'm living (something I've done since age 3), and I say things that I don't mean. But I guess what really gets me is that I don't stand firm in my faith. I pretend like its not a big deal when I'm with some people and act like its the biggest deal when I'm with others. Faith isn't about pleasing or impressing others. It bothers me that at work that they don't think I take my Christian faith as seriously as I do. I hide it. Why!?!?! So I can fit in and not stick out. Gross. I'm very good at playing the part of the chameleon. On one hand, thats a strength meaning I'm adaptable to whatever situation I'm in. However, I think it is definetely a weakness because I don't stand firm in what I do and don't believe. No one knows who Lara really is - they just know whatever face I put on for them. And its funny because something I admire most in others is authenticity and genuineness. I want honesty from others but don't live up to that expectation myself. I want people to appreciate me for what God has created me to be, imperfections and all. I sometimes wonder if (slash know) that is why I struggle with moving to a new place and meeting new people. And also why I've never had a serious relationship past a month and a half. I want to be comfortable with me and not care whether its pleasing others or not. Why do I have this overwhelming obsession with appearing perfect and pleasing to man even though I know I'm not and know it is displeasing to God?

Again, a bunch of random thoughts thrown together. But on my heart nonetheless.

Happy March everyone!