Brought To You By The Letter 'R'

The past week...

Rolands
I attended the visitation and funeral/memorial service for Mr. Roland (Audrey's dad). Both were nice (can you say that about those...they aren't really nice things to go to....I guess maybe well done or something like that is more appropriate) but heart-breaking. Just please keep praying for Audrey and her mom and brother.

Radiating
At the funeral, the pastor talked about Mr. Roland's radiating faith. It radiated through all that he did, in the good times and the bad. I want faith like that. In the good times and the bad. One thing I thought about as the pastor was talking was the irony of the radiating faith of a cancer patient like Mr. Roland. Many cancer patients go through some type of radiation treatment (I don't know if Mr. Roland did - all I know is several treatments were tried on him). It makes them ill and has other unpleasant side effects. But for Mr. Roland, the more of this "radiation treatment" (using that as a general term for any cancer treatment in this case) went in, it caused his faith to increase and radiate even more to those around him. Just an interesting juxtaposition to me...

Regurgitation
Yeah, that's gross. It came on very quickly, I threw up for 2 hours and couldn't move but then it stopped and life returned to normal (sort of...I was still a little queasy). Very weird. Glad it's done. I haven't thrown up since my 2 horrible stomach viruses when I worked at the elementary school last year.

Retreat
HFBC's Singles Ministry (Summit) had a retreat this weekend at Trinity Pines near Livingston, TX. AMAZING. I did everything there but sleep (I can't sleep through many noises, so I don't expect to on weekends like this). We left Houston at about 8:45 on Saturday morning. When we got there we listened to a speaker, had some worship and then ate lunch (if you can call it that...) and then played all afternoon. There were several options for activities and I chose to play softball all afternoon. How glorious! Not only was it a beautiful day, but I just love playing softball so it was perfect! I am fairly sore now because I haven't used my softball muscles in a while but it was so worth it! After that, we ate "dinner" and had another session of good preaching and good worship. We then worked on our skits for Oscar Night. My class is a hoot! We wait til the last minute on a lot of things and this skit was no different. Other classes had been preparing for a while but we waited. Too much fun! And we pulled it off pretty well too! The audience laughed a lot. Although we didn't win any awards, I think we did pretty well. I wish I had a video of our performance to show you. Anyways, after that we had a great late night dance party with some not so great music (it was like popular songs made into Christian ones...Mambo #5, Eminem, etc...some of that stuff just shouldn't and doesn't translate well into Christian ones). We then went to bed very late. The next morning, I woke up early (I told you, I don't sleep at these things!) and had a very deep and eye-opening quiet time (more on that later in the post) out on a rocking chair in the beautiful morning sunshine. We then had a little breakfast, another great session and worship and then split up into our classes and had wonderful discussion and prayer time. I really love the people in my class. I have never been involved in such an authentic community of believers and am so blessed and excited to get to know them more and to be more involved in the class. After that, the last session occurred and ended with an altar time (again, more on that later in the post). We then ate burgers made by the Summit leadership for lunch (good burgers although I am not a huge fan of burgers...weird, I know) and ate out in the beautiful sunshine. Then we packed up. Of course, our class can never get moving very fast anywhere so we were the last to leave and ended up helping leadership pack up everything. We did not get back to Houston until 6:30! We were supposed to have been back by like 3:30 or 4. Haha...oh well. I just came home, showered, ate dinner, finished some nagging homework and crashed for 11 hours. What a weekend...so AMAZING! I was hesitant about going but am so very glad that I did.

Renewal/Refreshment/Reminders/Reignition
My heart and spirit were very renewed this past weekend. I've really been struggling with feelings of dryness and apathy. I needed to hear what I did this weekend. It was about roots in our lives (check out Jeremiah 17:7-8). It was as if the Lord created this whole weekend and used the speakers just to speak to my heart (I know that's not the case...but it sure did feel like that!). It was like a flame was reigniting in my heart that had just been kinda smoldering for a while.

Refinement
Okay, now the tough topic. The Lord surfaced several things in my life that I need to be working on. Specifically, the idols I have placed on my heart that I have tried to replace Him with. I just hate that I am allowing these ugly and awful things to control me and replace a God that is so beautiful, loving, perfect and merciful. Why am I trading something so wonderful and beautiful for some things so hideous and ugly??? I have spent much of the last two days in tears over the status of my heart. It started with the quiet time I had. One of the speakers had posed the question about idols to us so I was thinking about it during my quiet time and God just revealed to me these things that I have been grasping for rather than grasping for Him. Such a painful thing but I am so thankful that they are being revealed to me and I am being refined by His fire. During the aforementioned altar time, I just got on my knees and was just so crushed by what I have been allowing in my heart and the sin in my life. Approaching the altar during these altar times is something I rarely do but I knew that's where I needed to be at this time. I know the road ahead is long. It is like as soon as I brought those things before the Lord, Satan immediately stepped in and is attacking me from all sides on these idols. Satan doesn't want me to give them up. He wants me to remain distant from the God that I love and so desire intimacy with. I can physically feel this battle going on inside me. It's so weird. I can't even describe it. I want to be so free of these things that have been holding me back from the life abundant that has been freely given to me. Just pray as this process of intense refinement of my heart occurs. It is going to be rough. It already is. Thanks...

Anyways, I know it was a long post, but when I tried to omit any of the above topics, I just couldn't. Hope you are doing well. God bless!

Interesting Article

I came across this article about a girl with autism. There are lots out there but I found this one particularly interesting. She's an unusual case but very interesting anyways.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4311223&page=1

If you are interested in autism, this is definitely worth your time to read!

Excitement and Boredom/Depression

Exciting things lately:
I PASSED my teacher certification exam!! Major step out of the way...
My hair cut turned out well today
I got 3 inexpensive cute shirts at Target the other day :0)
I get to go to Boston in 1 month!
HFBC singles ministry retreat this weekend :0)
Intramural softball for my church starts soon

Boredom/Depression lately:
Unemployment sucks :0(
No structure to my life b/c I have no job and only some stuff for my classes to do
Lots of rain and mud
Attending Audrey's dad's visitation and funeral tomorrow and Friday - my heart hurts so much for her
Unemployment sucks... its boring and depressing so it needed to be said twice...

Audrey

So, remember how I've been asking you to pray for Audrey and her family?

Her dad's battle with cancer ended last night and he passed away.

I mean I really don't have much to say about it. I love her and her family so much and my heart just breaks for them and hates that they have to suffer through this.

So pray for them in this tough week ahead as they go through funeral services and things like that and for them in the days, weeks and months ahead as they deal with this devastating loss.

Thats all. Just pray.

Singles Awareness Day (SAD)

Haha... no, I'm not sad because I'm single but I do think whoever came up with the acronym in my title was fairly clever. It gives me a good chuckle every year. In my mind, Valentine's Day is just another good excuse to wear lots of pink and eat some chocolate (although oddly enough, I am wearing a purple shirt today and ate very little chocolate... go figure). However, I certainly wouldn't mind if a cute boy wanted to spend this day with me! Haha..

One thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is generational sin and its role in my life. Its a tough thing to look at and something that is very scary to me. I can see myself falling into patterns that my mother, her mother and my mother's mother's mother have laid out. I want to break the chain. I don't want to be like that. I love them all very very much but to be honest, some of the sins they are or have been entangled in are nothing I want to be part of. However, they are very difficult to escape. I want to flee from them. I want to break that chain. I want to set a new precedent for my daughter(s) if I have any. One sin that has bound all of us (myself included) is food and our attitudes towards it. We all struggle with our weight just genetically speaking but add food issues along with that and its a pretty scary ball game. My grandmother smokes so she won't eat so much and gain weight. My mom has issues with food too. I'm starting to realize I might have some as well. No, I'm not obese but I'm certainly not at a healthy weight for my height and age. Another issue we all struggle with is the desire for control over others in our lives. It can get pretty bad. I have several stories about my family and this issue. No bueno. I want to be free of these sins. I don't want to be the next generation that falls captive to those holds. So yeah... pretty scary stuff.

If I could just ask for prayer for myself (I feel awkward asking this, but feel like I need to). I am really struggling with a lot of self-image and self-concept issues and consequently, some depression issues as well. Really having a hard time there. I know in my head that I am His beloved and His child, but my heart is beating to a different tune and I can't seem to get it back on track. I hate how I view myself which further perpetuates the problem of trying to be okay with myself. Anyways, its a vicious cycle that I desparately want out of but am finding little relief from.

In other prayer requests, please please please pray for my friend Audrey and her family. I spoke with her for a few minutes this evening and have been following her emails and journal. The doctor has basically given her dad just a few days to live. She is doing as well as possible given the circumstances. Please just keep praying. I hate to see such a sweet precious friend going through such a nightmare as this.

In good news, my teacher certification exam went well and my unofficial score report that I got indicates that I passed and scored fairly well. This means I can now be hired as a teacher because I am considered "highly qualified". Haha...but yeah. So glad it's out of the way. Thank you to those of you who prayed for me and wished me well. It worked!

Hope your Valentine's Day was good, couple or not. God bless!

"Oh What A Night!"

Last night, I got to go see Jersey Boys at the Hobby Center here in Houston. What a treat that was! If you don't know anything about this Broadway musical, its based on the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. They wrote songs hits like "Oh What A Night", "Big Girls Don't Cry", "Walk Like a Man" and many, many more, all of which were featured in this musical. It was fantastic! At first I didn't want to spend the money on a ticket, but I'm glad I did. It was funny though because the people I was with and I were probably some of the youngest people there. Most of the audience was people our parent's age and on up. Guess that music isn't really my generation, but it still is wonderful! Anyways, if you get the chance to see it, I highly recommend it (be forewarned though, there is some language and some rather risque content). And if you ever need a buddy to see a musical with, I am your gal!

Hope you are doing well! God bless!

You Break, HE Buys!

Last Sunday in church, Pastor Gregg, who is doing a great series on milestones in our lives, talked about salvation. Because I like to think in images and allusions, his preaching resonates well with me. He was talking about going into a store with little kids and there are always those signs that say "You Break, You Buy". But the marvelous thing about salvation is that we can change that sign to "You Break, HE Buys!". Such simple words yet such a beautiful concept. He knows we are broken. He knows we are going to break. Yet, still, we were bought at a ransom by Him and through Him. Sometimes I struggle with feeling the joy of my salvation (Psalms 51:12) but that phrase has been running through my head all week because the picture it paints in my head and on my heart. Just wanted to share...

In less happy news, I want to ask you to pray for my sweet, long-time friend, Audrey. Her father has cancer and after a doctors appointment on Wednesday has been given weeks, maybe a month or two more. Oh how my heart breaks. I know you may not know her, but please just pray. Her family and my family have been friends for a while, so its a difficult thing to watch. Its also sobering to watch this happen to someone my age because it could be me and I can't even imagine losing my father (or anyone in my family). In her words, "This sucks. It just sucks." So yeah. Please pray.

Hope you are doing well. I will post some love quotes from my planner on here soon. There's some good ones that are worth posting.

God bless!