Church (and some other odds and ends)

So, I haven't really had a true "home church" since I was in high school. Mostly my fault and fear of commitment from some not so great experiences at churches. However, I deeply desire that type of community and fellowship to be involved in. And I'm just finding it sort of difficult. I'm not always sure why either. I think sometimes I'm overly critical of churches when attempting to be discerning. I am also finding it difficult to find a place in a church as a single adult. Some churches have no singles in their congregation and pay little attention to ministering to singles (which is fine - some churches have no need to do this) and others put so much focus on having a huge singles group that they are nearly a seperate entity from the church and there is very little integration with the rest of the church body and there is much lack of community because the group is so huge. Its hard to find a church with a balance. I seek a church that is doctrinely sound, its focus is completely on God and furthering the Kingdom, of moderate size, has a reasonable variety of ministries within and outside the church and the singles group (like any other group seeking to minister to people at a certain station in life) seeks to minister within itself as well as being fully integrated in the rest of the church body. I also don't want the singles group to be eharmony.com. While I think church is an optimal place to meet those of the opposite sex, I feel that singles groups are often "meat markets". I just feel that churches don't know what to do with their singles and singles don't know how to integrate within the church.

Thats just been my experience for the most part thus far. That, or the church is very far away from my house and impractical to be involved in more than just on Sundays or whatever. So what is the answer to this problem? Does anyone know of any churches for me to try? I tried a church with my sweet friend, Amy Sistrunk. It was good. Slightly more charismatic than I prefer, but still good. I'd be open to giving it some more chances. Amy said there was a small group of young singles there as well, so thats promising.

Anyways, this weekend has been okay. Its been nice to have my dad home, alhtough it was short. He came home from Brazil yesterday morning at 5:30 and left for Portugal this afternoon at 2:30. My poor daddy. Hopefully that will be the last of the traveling for at least a few weeks. We basically just ran around and did random stuff all weekend. I'm really praying for a close group of friends to do things on the weekends with so I don't feel like there is nothing to do but hang out with my parents. They are fun and all but I'd really like to have my own adult life seperate from my parents. So maybe in a month or two, I won't be spending my entire weekends with just my parents. We shall see.

I've really been struggling with a sense of purposelessness lately. I graduate with my Masters in December and have no idea where to go with it. My internship is okay but I feel that so much of it is caught up in running across the city, filling out obscene amounts of paperwork and making sure you are doing eveyrthing legal that the personal touch and connection often gets lost. I just don't know if I could love a job like that despite all the good it does for children and families. I know I'm passionate about that population, but I don't know if being an EIS (early intervention specialist) is how I want to serve them. I'm also passionate about a million other things, so its hard to choose what to pursue. I am so blessed to have the education that I do, but what do I do with that blessing that I've been given? Not only am I feeling purposeless in the long-term realm, but also the short-term realm. I only have my internship 3 days a week and am off for the other two. I applied to substitute in Cy-Fair but that won't be for another three weeks or so. So what do I do with the time off I've been given? I can only facebook/blog stalk and read for so long. I go on walks with Ella. I have no money to spend. So what should I do? How does God want me to use this time off?

I am very sad that my Baylor Bears did not beat those silly Aggies this weekend. But I can't say I'm really surprised. They did hold on well until the last quarter, so thats good I guess. Some year will be the year of the Bear. I hope its not when I'm 100.

Okay, this post has been way long enough. I'm off to get ready for bed. Have a great week! God bless!

Blah

Do you ever have one of those "blah" days where things just don't feel right even though nothing in particular is wrong? Yeah, its one of those. I'm just mopey and I dunno. It might be boredom - I really don't have much to do. I thought about putting extra hours into my internship for the next few weeks until subbing starts but oddly enough (and this may change eventually), I don't have any desire to be there. I thought about working on my Baylor/KXA tshirt quilt, but that would require buying fabric and such and I feel like any money I spend right now aside from a very occasional dinner out with a friend is wasted and unnecessary, especially since I am making $0. I dunno. I feel like I'm in a slump and like a fire has been put out in me. I want my heart to feel alive and afire.

Anyways. In exciting news, today in the mail,my new camera that I got for my birthday came. Be prepared for more picture-ful posts in the near future! Yay!

God bless!

Tilling the Soil

So lately, I have been thinking about my difficulties in adjusting to the "real world".

A couple of weeks ago, I visited a church (it was okay, maybe I'll try it again), but the message has really stuck with me. The pastor talked about tilling the soil where God has planted us. Now, I'm not always entirely happy about living in Houston, but I think I might feel this way anywhere. I feel lonely, empty, sometimes bored and sometimes frustrated and/or depressed. I think it is because I am not pouring myself into anything or doing any soil tilling. While I was at Baylor, I was deeply involved in a couple of things, especially KXA.

My question is, what do I get involved in now? How much time do I spend? I am overwhelmed by the possibilities and just haven't quite gotten the hang of managing my time in the "real world". What is too much? I know what I'm doing right now is too little.

Ideas I have come up with include being a Special Olympics coach, finding a church and getting involved in women's ministry, some type of ministry for children with special needs, getting Ella certified for pet therapy and a few random other ideas.

Any suggestions? Thoughts? I'm tired of living only within myself and doing nothing beyond, but its like I have this fear of trying anything beyond because I don't want to get in over my head. Sometimes the thought processes that go through my head make no sense whatsoever. I need help...

Hope y'all are doing well! God bless!

Birthdays, Collarbones, Bad Drivers and Mean People

So, since I decided to wait 3 weeks between posts, I'm backed up on news and thoughts and such. I really do love to blog, but sometimes get overwhelmed with the amount I would like to post about and just avoid it all together. So here are some "news briefs" to update you.

• On Labor Day, my dad was out doing his normal morning bike ride with his buddies. 2 miles before the end of a good 60 mile ride, his friend hit a rock and went down. Because my dad was only about a foot or so behind him (they were drafting), my dad had nowhere to go but over his friend. And he landed squarely on his shoulder. Now when most people break their collarbone, it cracks in the middle, the two pieces kinda slide over each other and it heals like that. Pretty simple and a recovery time of about 3 weeks or so. Well, since my dad can't do anything simple, he ended up shattering part of it and the two pieces had a significant separation between them. When my dad took his riding jersey off in the hospital I could literally see the bone sticking up (not breaking the skin though). So the only way to fix that kind of break is through surgery. So a week later, my dad had surgery in which they used some kind of tape to bring the bone back down, put the ligaments back where they needed to be and removed some pieces of bone. So now, he is on the mend but will be another 4 weeks with his arm in a sling, several weeks of PT after that and then maybe in about 8-10 weeks, he will be allowed to ride his bike again. He hates that! And a side effect of him being out is that him training me to be a rider has been put on hold. Minor issue, but I think we are both disappointed.
• My internship is going okay. Sometimes its a little boring because I'm just in training classes (helpful, but just tedious) or doing reading activities (some of which I've done nine thousand of in grad school). My time out in the field observing and participating is slowly increasing though so thats good and interesting. They switched me to an English speaking person to shadow, so that has been much easier for me to learn and understand what is going on. I've seen some interesting things out in the field, some really heart-wrenching. Anyways, everyone at my internship seems to be very nice. There is one difficult lady that I am training with, but mainly just because she never ever stops talking and it usually has nothing to do with what we are discussing, but she is still sweet and means well. The one thing I really really really hate about my internship is the driving. Ugh! The other drivers are horrible, nasty and just really bad! Complaining about it doesn't do anything, but it makes me feel a little better.
• I went to substitute teacher orientation last week. The lady who taught it was stinkin' hilarious. Unfortunately, Cy-Fair does their subs kinda screwy and I won't be able to work for 3 more weeks and won't get paid until November 15. Ugh. But it will be good and will help me save some money to pay back loans, move out on my own and things like that.
• I got to thinking the other day about society. More specifically, just how mean people have gotten. I was listening to a story on the news about something that happened in the '50s and realizing that nothing like that would every happen today. Nearly everyone seems to be out for themselves and doing only what benefits them. I dunno. I know people did mean things then. But it seems people are meaner to each other these days.
• I celebrated my 24th birthday 2 days ago. Pretty fun. Feels really old! When you are 23, it still feels like you are kinda young and close to college and whatever. But when you are 24, thats a big kid age. How did I get here?!?! Anyways, on Friday night, my family and I went out to celebrate. We went to Pei Wei (my favorite!) for dinner and then drove to The Woodlands to get Cheescake Factory for dessert. Both so delicious! After we ate our cheescake, we went on this boat tour thing around the town center area. I think they are kinda building it up like the River Walk in San Antonio. On Saturday, my family put me to work because my parents are trying to sell their house and the realtor was coming over to take pictures for the internet and flyers and things like that. Our house officially went on sale on Saturday, so my parents are very excited. That night, Jenny, Audrey, Amy Sistrunk, my brother and I drove down to Kemah and ate at the mexican restaurant there (don't recommend it - my nachos were cold and untasty!), walked around and rode some rides including a very fast, very scary roller coaster (not a good idea after dinner!). Overall pretty fun and it was nice to be out with my good buddies and my baby brother.

I think thats its for now. I'll post some cute pictures from my birthday weekend soon as well as some cute ones of Ella that I took in some moments of boredom.

God bless!