Wedding Dreams

Ever since I was very very little, my dreams have always been extremely vivid and seem extremely real and believable while they are going on in my head. And when I have one (its not a nightly thing for me...just every few weeks) I tend to mull it over in my head over the next few days (what happened, why it happened, why I dreamed about it, etc.).

But last night, I am very bothered by my dream. No one died. No one was sick. Nothing bad happened. I dreamed I was getting ready for my wedding. Should be a happy one, right?

Now, like most girls, I like to think about my wedding every now and then. Its fun. I like to plan events and things. I like collecting ideas. Its just something I think about from time to time.

But I hate dreaming that I am actually having a wedding. For one, I never seem to be ready or prepared in my dreams. Its right before the ceremony and several huge things are not done (in this most recent one, I had on ugly black shoes and could not find the white ballet slippers I wanted to wear). It stresses me out. And its like this in every dream. I am largely unprepared for the day and can't seem to get my act together. Another thing that bothers me is that my soon to be husband is always a mystery guy. Sometimes I never see him (like I'm getting ready in the bridal room or something...). Other times I'm getting ready to walk down the aisle and there is just a figure there but my dad and I are still way too far away to see his face. Last night, I could kinda see the guy's face (kinda fuzzy...didn't really remind me of anyone I know). But what bothered me most last night is that my fiance/husband was kinda cold and distant. I had worked hard on a sweet letter to him for our wedding day and had given it to him. He was kinda just walking around the church before the wedding, seeing me before the wedding and then just kinda shrugged at me and said, "oh, thanks for the letter" in a rather nonchalant manner. It was horrible and cold.

But I think what I hate most about these dreams is that they make me focus on something I'm trying not to focus my energies on. I really am desiring to enjoy there here and now and cherishing my singlehood. But like most girls, I go through phases where I just so badly want to be married (or even go on a date....sheesh!) and I get extremely green with envy towards my friends that are already married or are about to be married. I was doing pretty okay with not being upset about it until last night's dream.

I could analyze this dream til I'm blue in the face. Part of me wonders if it is a reminder to not think that once I am married and such that my life will be fixed and everything. I used to be naiive and believe that. But I am observing a lot of my friends who are around that time in their life and realize this is just not true. Marriage is a beautiful thing but it seems to come with its own set of unique difficulties that us as young single adults do not currently face. I also think this dream reminds me that I still have some deep-seated fears of being seriously involved with a man. I haven't dated in 3 years and my last relationship was quite the flop. And honestly, as nice as it would be to go on a date and have a boyfriend or whatever, it kinda scares me too. Boys as friends aren't threatening. Boys as more than friends is intimidating to me even though its something I desire. So enough analysis about my weird dreams.

But they are making me struggle. I just wish I wouldn't have them. If they are daydreams, I can cut them off and move on. But these night dreams, I can't stop until they are over no matter how much I want them to.

I want to be content where I'm at. I don't want this strong desire to control me. It shouldn't and it can't. But if I'm being 100% honest, there are phases I go through where it does. Ugh.

I'm not quite sure why I felt compelled to share my thoughts on these dreams. But I did. So there. Does anyone else have this issue? I wish I didn't!

Anyways, Christmas was pretty good. Got some very sweet and nice gifts that I am more than enjoying. Some things, I have to wait to enjoy. I got a set of Rachael Ray pots and pans (blue, not the ugly orange!) but will have to wait until I move into my own place to use them :0(. Oh well. Something to look forward to! I will post pictures of the day in my next post. Hope all of your Christmases were good and you were blessed. Love you!

Happy Birthday/Anniversary Ella!

So today marks one year that Ella and I have been together! I decided that since this was the day I got her, it would be her unofficial birthday as well because who knows when her real birthday is (I'm not even sure exactly how old she is even!) so Christmas Eve seemed like a good day. For her birthday, I got her microchipped in case she runs off so I can find her again. It probably didn't feel like much of a present (it involves two large needles!) but its good for her and since she is a roamer and a wonderer, its rather necessary. My mom had gotten her some cool bones at PetCo but yesterday, she got bored, went into my mom's closet and since my mom had "hidden" them on the floor of the closet, Ella just helped herself. She ate four out of twelve dental chew bones (now she has really clean teeth!) and half of a large meat filled/flavored bone. I really thought she would get sick from all that but she didn't (Praise the Lord - for real! I was expecting a fairly nasty mess!)! Today, I found a recipe for dog birthday cake online so I baked it for her and will frost it with cottage cheese later. Yes, I am obsessed with my dog. But who wouldn't be with such a sweet face like that!?!?

Merry Christmas Eve! God bless!

Shag Dancing?!?!

So last night, we were visiting my dad's cousins who live in The Woodlands. You must understand that my dad's side of the family is fairly large (my late grandfather was the youngest of 10) and has some rather interesting members. These cousins (a brother and sister) mentioned that their younger brother (another cousin) who is from Carolina was in to Shag Dancing now. We all kinda looked at each other with puzzled looks wondering just what that was. When I hear the word "shag", some cool dance that older relatives are all impressed by is not what comes to mind! So, I went on Google to search for some video clips of this and found exactly what this was. It actually is kinda really cool! Here is just one video of the many I found. Apparently this style of dancing is mainly done in the Carolinas and much is done at Myrtle Beach. Let me know if the video works are not. If it doesn't, I found a lot more I can link you to. Check it out! It is pretty neat.

Hope y'all are doing well and surviving the craziness of the season! God bless!

Santa Paws

I was subbing for this really great third grade class the other day and their assignment was to make up their own version of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. Some of them were having some difficulty with the assignment, so I did the assignment myself and here's what I came up with. Its not that great and it doesn't really rhyme but thats okay. The name of the Santa character - Santa Paws - was also not my own creation. I had just put Santa Dog for lack of any other idea and one of the little boys in the class came up to me and said, "What about Santa Paws for your story? Get it? Santa Paws instead of Santa Claus!" I told him it was such a great idea that I was going to use it. And that I did. Now why didn't I think of that? Oh and this is written from Ella's point of view, of course.



'Twas the Bark Before Christmas



'Twas the bark before Christmas

And all through the doghouse

Not a creature was stirring

Not even a cat.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that Santa Paws would soon be there.

The puppies were snoring all snug in their beds

As visions of treats and bones danced in their head,

And Mom in her human bed and I in my dog bed

Had just settled down after much gingerbread.

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,

I barked from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash

Barked at the shutters

As Mom threw up the sash.

The moon shown bright on the now yellow snow

And made all things shiny and icy below.

When what to my big puppy eyes should appear,

But a giant flying bone and eight tiny puppies so dear:

With a little old driver, who had big furry paws

I knew in a moment it must be Santa Paws.

More rapid than kitties his coursers they came.

And he whistled, and barked, and called them by name:

"Now Fido, now Cookie! Now Snoopy! And Sparky!

On Clifford! On Spot! On Bruiser and Barky!

To the top of the doghouse, to the top of the wall!

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

So up to the house-top the puppies they flew

With a sleigh full of dog treats, and Santa Paws too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard but not saw

The sniffing and scratching of each little paw.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney Santa Paws came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his paws,

And his fur was all dirty from rolling in soot just because.

A bundle of bones he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled!

Those big eyes how merry!

His nose was all wet and looked much like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the fur of his snout was as white as the snow.

The big rawhide bone he held tight in his teeth,

And some more treats by his feet just beneath.

He had a sweet little face and a rather plump belly,

That shook when he walked, from eating too much jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly ole pal,

And I howled when I saw him, for I'm not a quite gal!

A wink of his eye and a cock of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He barked not a bark, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.

And putting his paw right up to his nose,

And giving a yip, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a bark,

And away they all flew for a quick walk in the park.

But I heard him bark twice as he flew out of sight,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"


Anyways, I wanted to share what fun I was having subbing. Again, I realize this isn't that great (although with some more time spent on it could probably be really cute). I'm just bored and post just about anything. Hope y'all are doing well! God bless!

A "Mary" Christmas

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." ~Luke 10:38-42~

The Lord has really laid this on my heart during this season. Especially today. Like I said, I tend to get really wrapped up in the going-ons of the holiday season (gift buying, wrapping, food planning and preparation, etc.) and forget myself and what I really need to be doing. I think I do this in life in general a lot. I get distracted like Martha. It is ever so hard for me to have the posture of Mary when my sinful nature tends to bring out the Martha in me. And I get frustrated with others when they aren't doing what I think they should be doing. And the list goes on. Martha and I seem to be twins separated at birth (and by several centuries...haha). I just love this passage because it resonates so deeply within me, almost as if it was written just for my heart.

But what I really need to be doing is laying at His feet, soaking Him in. I'm in a season of a lot of changes, decisions, etc. and I need to be there now more than ever. I can't figure out what He wants from me if I'm not willing to listen and am consistently pouring myself into various other things in my environment.

So I'm praying this season that my Christmas is more "Mary" and less "Martha" (although, I'm sure Martha was a beautiful person as well but just as conflicted as the rest of us!).

One prayer request - I found out yesterday that some sisters in KXA who are a few years younger than me unexpectedly lost their father on Monday. And not only is it just these two sisters, but they have four other siblings as well. I can't imagine what their mother (or any of them for that matter) is going through. I don't know these girls very well at all (they were pledging as I was graduating) but my heart aches for them and their family. So just be in prayer for them as not only is such a loss so devastating, but especially so close to Christmas.

Hope y'all are enjoying the holidays so far! God bless!

I Have a Masters Degree....Now What?!?!

So like I said in my previous post, I graduated from grad school this past weekend! Here are some (not so great) pictures of the festivities:

So that was my exciting weekend. It feels so good to officially be done! After the ceremony, we went to the Cheesecake Factory and celebrated. Too much fun.

Anyways, now I'm just continuing subbing, getting ready to start preservice training (classes) for teacher certification and really not much else.

God bless!

Light at the End of a 21 Year Long Tunnel!

So on Saturday, a rather momentous occassion will occur. I will finish my 21 year long stint of a schooling career. I started preschool at 3 and am FINALLY ending school at 24. PRAISE THE LORD!!! Now this doesn't mean I won't go back later or anything but I am so glad to be done with the papers, the tests, the late night studying and the craziness of it all. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything but I am very glad they are finished :0)

Unfortunately, for my teacher certification, I will be in class 3 times a week, one time online and will be taking tests and such for it. Not really school but still! I will be done with all that junk in April and hopefully well on my way to being a teacher.

Anyways, just wanted to check in before I head up to Denton. I am leaving tomorrow morning and will be stopping in to see my Bear Creek (the school where I worked last year) friends and students and then will be heading up to Denton to stay with Ashley and Lauren! Yay! I've seen Ash a couple times since leaving but I haven't seen Lauren since August so I am very excited to spend some time with these lovely ladies! Yay!

God bless!

Happy Trails To You

So I took a risk this weekend. I went camping (thats not the risk - I love camping!) with my new church group not knowing very many people very well (there's the risk - if you know me, you know that this is a pretty scary thing for me!). TOO MUCH FUN! I am so glad I went. Here's how it all went down.

We met at some girls apartment on Friday evening, packed all our stuff in and headed out to Stephen F. Austin State Park (near Sealy and San Felipe - ridden my bike there a couple times). I rode in the car with 3 other girls and they were so great. Two of us were new and the other had moved away a couple months ago but had come in town to go camping with us. The other girl had been going for a while and caught us all up on what was going on with the group. The other new girl actually knew Ashley and had gone to Dulles HS with her and their brothers had played baseball together (Ashley, I'll tell you about this later!). The other girl that had come back in town was so precious. And she made me feel so much better about my decision to teach. She had just finished a Masters in Public Health and then decided that really what she wanted to do was teach and now teaches Kindergarden in Weatherford (near Ft. Worth). So I'm not the only silly one that gets a Masters in something random (although, mine is related) and then decides to teach. The girl that had gone to the group for a while is a middle school teacher in Ft. Bend and she was telling me all about FBISD in case I decide to apply there.

Anyways, after some missed exits and turns, we finally got to the campsite. We all just kinda sat around the fire and talked and then went to bed. It took me like 4 hours to fall asleep that night. I kinda knew that was gonna happen anyways, but man was that a long 4 hours! It didn't help that I was also sleeping right on top of a tree root.

The next morning we all woke up. Some went running (haha... not me! give me a bike any day, but no running!) and some of us just got ready for the day. I figured since a shower (we use the term shower here very loosely) was available, I might as well take one so I at least start out clean.

After that, we all had breakfast (eggs, sausage, fruits, etc.) and then went on a hike. It was fun. We got some good pics (although, I don't have any - my camera is currently in South Africa with my dad). Then we came back and ate lunch. It was chicken noodle soup. The girl who did the food thought it was going to be much colder on the trip so hence the warm and hearty food. However, it was like 80 degrees. Oi.

Anyways, after lunch we kinda sat around and then took off to play soccer and some California kickball (a kinda crazy mixed up version of kickball - you need to play sometime!) It was fun but pretty warm outside. After that we came back and sat around for a little bit. Cooling off mainly. Then we played Charades and that was A LOT of fun and very funny. We were supposed to go on a caroling hay ride after that but for whatever reason, we did not. Oh well.

We then returned to our campsite and had hobo dinners for dinner. If you have never tried one of these you need to! All you do is put an uncooked hamburger patty, some mixed vegetables and some frozen french fries all in some foil, sprinkle with seasoning salt, wrap it all up and then stick it on some coals for a while until done. After they are done, you can put ketchup or cheese or whatever on it and enjoy! Surprisingly good. I really didn't expect much but I liked it. And they weren't too greasy or unhealthy either because nothing was fried.

After that, we had some really good praise and worship time and sat around the fire just talking and fellowshipping. We turned in fairly early that night because we were all so exhausted. I slept pretty well despite the circumstances I think because I was so exhausted.

We woke up the next morning a little damp from all the humidity and dew. We kinda packed up our stuff, ate some lil smokies and waffles (eggos heated up over the fire - who knew?) for breakfast and then broke down and cleaned up our sites. Just as we were leaving, it started to drizzle so it was perfect timing!

So that was my fun weekend. I really really had a good time. Unfortunately, I have returned with some pretty bad chest congestion which will hopefully clear up soon. We shall see. The people in my group are so great. They are funny, honest, not afraid to be themselves, accepting and overall just wonderful and most importantly, Godly. I just love being with them! Community with them is such an answer to prayer and I'm so excited to get more involved and to develop deeper relationships with them. Last night at church, Shane and Shane and Bethany Dillon (who is engaged to the not married Shane) led worship and it was SO amazing! I need to download or buy some of their music because it is very powerful and they are just amazing. After church, we all headed over to Pei Wei (yay!). Again, great fellowship! Also, dinner after church often brings out more people in our class and some that aren't as involved so it was good to meet more new people and find out about their lives. Jenny also got to go with me last night so I had a good time with her and she calmed my nerves in bad traffic and confusing directions!

Okay, so that was a long post. I have more to say but will save it for later. Hope y'all are doing well and congrats to my Baylor and UNT friends who are finished with finals! Yay!

Little Elves

My brother made this. Too funny. I had tears in my eyes from laughing. You NEED to watch it! Haha...

I think you should make your own!

Current Events

* Got accepted to Region 4's teacher certification program today! So now I'm on my way to being a special ed teacher and I'm pretty stinkin' excited :0)

* Got to eat lunch with Ashley today and that was so wonderful! We tried out California Pizza Kitchen at Memorial City Mall. Neither of us had every been and it was super yummy! We shared a white pizza (four kinds of white cheese and spinach) and each had a really good ceasar salad. If you get the chance to try that restaurant, I highly recommend it! I am so excited for Ashley (and Gibson!) to move back to Houston next year.

* Almost done with Christmas shopping! Yay! I think I only have 2 people left to finish up and I have some ideas for them. I think the hardest person is my dad. He has all the bike stuff he needs. He has all the coffee stuff he needs. There's nothing he really wants or needs. So what do I get him? Its a tough one...

* I think my church hunt is over!! PTL!! I decided to go back to Houston First Baptist and am attending the Sunday evening class, MetroLink, and service. Its been amazing. The people there are not only extremely friendly, welcoming and inclusive but also, they are Godly, authentic, amazing men and women that I am excited to get to know more. I am going camping this weekend with them and couldn't be more excited! I love to camp and this will give me a good chance to get to know and fellowship with them more. The church and all the activities are quite a drive for me but have proved to be more than worth it. I am truly blessed...

* Just substituting around the district and its gone pretty well! Today, I got a letter from the sub office with a sub evaluation form filled out from one of the teachers I subbed for. Usually when you get those, it is NOT a good thing at all and that teacher wants you removed from the campus. No one really fills them out for doing a good job but they can if they want. A teacher I subbed for two days this week had filled one out and said I was doing a fantastic job. Its always nice to be affirmed and it blessed me a lot to get that today. I was nervous when I was opening it because I felt like I've been doing okay subbing! Hehe..

* I graduate next weekend!! Yay yay yay!! I really thought this day would never come! I will officially be DONE with school (for now anyways) and its so exciting to be able to say that after being in school since I was 3 (I'm including preschool).

Okay. I think thats all. I hope y'all are doing well. Christmas is coming! God bless!

Disabled Veterans

Today I rode the Independence Ride in Wallis, TX benefiting disabled veterans.

Now what image comes to mind when you think of an average disabled veteran?

I think of an older gentleman in maybe his 60s or 70s.

Reality really hit today at this ride.

Many of the disabled vets that were there were young. Very young. My age. My brother's age. It broke my heart.

I'm not really sure where I stand on the war. You would think someone who grew up in the midst (literally!) of the Gulf War would have a strong stand one way or another. But I don't. I see things wrong with it and I see things not neccessarily right, but justified with it. Maybe I'm a pacifist by nature and don't really understand how human beings can do these things to one another and feel okay about it. I dunno. It boggles me.

Anyways. Its just been on my mind all day. My brother could be one of those guys now saddled in a wheelchair and fighting for his independence. And the amazing sacrifice that these very young men (I didn't see any women today but I know there are some) made for their country. I'm not emotionally patriotic or anything but I do love my country (not everything about it but in general) and feel very blessed to be an American citizen. And these young vets are putting their love into action. How humbling.

Otherwise, besides sobering, the ride was pretty good. I started off fairly strong (for me anyways) and had a good tailwind behind me. However, as I turned the corner the sidewind and later the headwind hit and man oh man. I was dying. I opted to do a shorter route (40 miles) than originally planned (60 miles) but feel I might have died if I had gone an additional 20 into the wind (and that whole extra 20 would have been into the wind...oi vey). I told my dad I would do 60 miles next time we rode and then he informed that there really weren't anymore organized rides like this until January. Oh well. Enough about cycling.

I finally finished putting up all the Christmas decorations and am fairly pleased. Its nothing special and certainly not perfect but I like it and it makes me very happy :0)

My mom got back from Florida. She said it was okay. Apparently my grandma is turning into a somewhat unpleasant and manipulative elderly woman. I still love her and she is definitely not that way to me that I know of, but it still makes me hurt for her. I know she is frustrated and depressed but I really just want her to be happy, have a full life and know that Jesus loves her. Just keep praying for her. Her health is not so wonderful (my mom had to give very clear instructions to her on how to eat appropriately - she has dropped 20 lbs. in the past few months and thats a lot for someone who is only 4'11! Now you know where I get height from) so yeah. I dunno. Just lift her up if you think about it.

Okay I think I've typed enough for now. I have various thoughts and pieces of news so I'll try and space it out over the next few days.

God bless!